This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.
The Slice: Any openings on the news team?
Spokane TV news is too restrained.
Instead of naming stories only in cases of natural disasters – “Ice Storm,” “Fire Storm,” “Son of Fire Storm,” et cetera – they ought to slap attention-getting monikers on every coverage opportunity.
It’s just sound salesmanship, sort of like flashing the “Breaking News” graphic every 30 seconds.
Who would come up with these names? Well, times being what they are, it’s always a good idea to have a Plan B. So consider this my audition.
“Prelude to Doom”: Weather forecast hinting at what comes after autumn.
“March to Destiny”: WSU’s long-shot chance to qualify for the Hooters Bowl.
“Town Without Pity”: Kid gets bike stolen.
“Touched by an Angel”: Stranger buys kid a new one.
“Omigod We’re All Going to Die”: Snow storm.
“Armageddon ’09”: Road resurfacing projects.
“Conflagration of the Century”: No-injuries house fire.
“Shouting at You 2010”: Figure skating.
“Countdown to Decision ’09”: Local election preview.
“Carnage in Coeur d’Alene”: Some downtown merchant is unhappy.
“Trial of the Epoch”: This week’s court case.
“The Agony and the Ecstasy”: Charity fun-run.
“River of No Return”: It’s spring, the water’s up.
“Of Human Bondage”: More layoffs at the S-R.
“Twisted Metal, Shattered Lives”: No-injuries car accident.
“Crime Against Nature”: Wild animal gets relocated.
“Give Me Your Huddled Masses”: Station’s annual coats drive.
“Cataclysm ’09”: Midsummer cool stretch.
“Rage of the Benighted”: Reading from viewers’ online comments.
“Food Storm ’09”: Annual canned-goods drive.
Today’s Slice question: How should I respond to a nice note from Mayor Mary Verner complimenting me for a column that was written by Jim Kershner?