November 3, 2009 in Features

The Slice: Holdout still taking a pass on GU hoops

By The Spokesman-Review

The Slice has managed to track down the only person in Spokane who is not a Gonzaga University basketball fan.

He agreed to be interviewed on the condition that his identity not be made public.

You won’t believe what he had to say.

Q: So what do you have against the Zags?

A: Nothing, really. I’m just not interested in team sports.

Q: I didn’t think Ford and Budweiser allowed that attitude to exist. So what sports do you watch?

A: You know, I’m not much of a spectator. I prefer to be out doing stuff myself.

Q: So you hate America?

A: No. I think there are some values questions that need to be asked about big-time sports. Athletic scholarships have never made sense to me. And generating TV money — where does that fit into a serious college’s mission statement? But from what I hear, Gonzaga’s is a clean program. The players seem to be actual students. And I have nothing against the people in charge. I’m just not into reflected glory — you know, defining my worth and happiness in terms of the arguably pointless accomplishments of imported 20-year-olds I’ve never met.

Q: But what about the Zags putting Spokane on the map?

A: Well, I’m sure they have. I guess enrollment and donations are up. Though I have yet to be convinced that someone in Syracuse or Kansas City gets all excited about March Madness and then decides to relocate his clean/green business to the Inland Northwest.

Q: How do you deal with friends and family members who are rabid GU hoops fans?

A: I wish them well. They know I am not into it, so they leave me alone. But when I run into that “Ya gotta love it!” mindset, I sometimes note that, no, you don’t gotta.

Q: You don’t?

A: Nope.

Today’s Slice question: What would happen to attendance at Spokane Chiefs games if, like college hockey, the WHL did away with fighting?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail Fans of ’80s music might want to rent the movie “Adventureland.”

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