The Slice: Next year, we’ll check the naughty, nice lists

A couple of times in recent years, the parents of young children have asked me to employ my won’t-be-recognized handwriting to sign gift tags or cards.

The name I signed actually belongs to a famous North Pole dweller who is super busy in the days leading up to Christmas.

I enjoyed the task. Always happy to help the big guy.

But now, after the fact, something has occurred to me. I don’t think I asked if the children had been good. Wasn’t that my fiduciary responsibility?

Oh well, considering the parents in question, I suspect that these are kids anyone would be proud to claim.

But next year, I’m not signing until I get some answers.

Today’s Slice question: It would be nice to think that everyone who celebrates Christmas will be so happily engaged in holiday jubilation today that no one will turn on the TV.

But The Slice tries to deal with reality. So, when you do turn on the set today, what sort of programming will you seek?

A) Something about sharks. B) Sports. C) Something about the Beatles. D) One of those nature shows about lions vs. hyenas.

E) Something about the Nazis. F) Something Christmasy. G) Porn. H) A mafia story.

I) Remodeling tips. J) Political analysis. K) Either a movie where the abused wife kills her husband or figure skating. L) A ’60s sitcom.

M) A cooking show. N) Something religious or a game show. O) Hunting/fishing or something about the Donner Party. P) Anything with Juliette Binoche.

Q) Something featuring furry little animals bounding about in the snow. R) Musical performance or something about grizzly bears. S) Cartoons or something from the “Star Trek” canon. T) Poker or one of those “Caught on Tape” shows based on people trying to outrun the cops or secretly urinating in a co-worker’s coffee.

U) Stand-up comedy or something about the British royal family. V) News or biography shows on entertainers such as Florence Henderson or Carrot Top. W) Either video of cars sliding on slick roads or something about tornadoes.

X) Infomercials on buying distressed real estate or a documentary on threats to our drinking water. Y) Anything with Matt Damon. Z) Other.