August 18, 2011 in City

Doug Clark: Mayor race yields losers, worse losers

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The primary is past tense. The shocking election results are (mostly) in.

In capturing a whopping 59.9 percent of the vote Tuesday night, incumbent Mary Verner is making the most serious run at becoming the city’s first two-term mayor since way back when FBI chief J. Edgar Hoover showed up to work in a red satin prom dress.

I don’t want to alarm you, but Spokane’s Curse of the One-Term Mayor could be toast.

In November Verner will face David Condon, who, despite his bucks, braggadocio and backing from the power elite, bagged second place with a pathetic 33.3 percent.

That’s a daunting distance to make up.

The Verner victory is even more monumental when you consider how historically unkind primary voters have been to some of our sitting mayors.

Ask John Powers. Ask Sheri Barnard. They both suffered the embarrassment of a primary pink slip.

We’ll get back to the Verner/Condon cage match in a moment.

First I feel compelled to utter a few parting thoughts to those three wannabe mayors who got their rear ends handed to them on a platter Tuesday night.

Namely Michael Noder, Barbara Lampert and Robert Kroboth.

What were you numbskulls thinking?

I realize that mailed-in ballots are still trickling in. The numbers will change a bit. Heck, I dropped my ballot in a postal box on Perry about an hour before the 4 p.m. Monday pickup.

But according to our Wednesday tabulations, the three aforementioned candidates accounted for only 2,367 votes combined.

That’s 8,693 votes shy of Condon’s sad second place.

I’m continually astounded by individuals who pay the filing fees to put their names on a ballot yet do virtually nothing of what it takes to win.

Why do it?

What’s the point?

Now we all know about Lampert, who has now been a failed candidate in 19,209 races. Her OCD (“obsessive campaigning disorder”) comes from either a deep spiritual need for self abuse or an attempt to become Spokane’s Biggest Loser.

What motivates Cranky Kroboth is even more mysterious.

All we know is that after filing for office, he cut off all contact with the outside world and disappeared into a Cold War bomb shelter to eat freeze-dried food until the losing results were in.

A word of advice for you 375 voters who actually opened your ballots and darkened the circle next to the name Kroboth:

Seek medical help.

Noder at least appeared to want the job.

He conducted himself adequately at the candidate debate I attended.

He looked professional enough.

But if Noder did any hard campaigning I sure as heck don’t know about it. He strikes me as an arrogant guy who thinks his wisdom is so profound that voters will piddle themselves for a chance to elect him.

That’s like a pickpocket who doesn’t want to lower himself to sticking his hand in your pocket. He expects victims to just hand over their wallets out of sheer gratitude.

Politics doesn’t work that way.

It’s a sleazy business. If you want to get elected you have to get down in the mud. You have to kiss old people and change babies and make corrupt deals with unsavory people.

Then you have to face the public and tell bald-faced lies with a cheesy grin on your face.

Sure it’s immoral. But that’s the American Way.

If you can’t stick a blade in your opponent’s liver and then deliver the eulogy at his funeral the next day, well, then you’ll never have the right stuff to serve the public.

Speaking of the mayor’s race, with Condon so far behind I figure his campaign is already in the dire desperation mode.

So look for the next three months to be filled with mudslinging, character assassination and bitter accusations.

At least I’m sure hoping that’s the case.

Nothing is more boring for a columnist than a campaign devoid of rancor.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by e-mail at dougc@spokesman.com.

Nine comments on this story so far. Add yours!

• 

  polistra on August 18 at 5:49 a.m.

  Lampert needs to master math. Spokane has more squirrels than people. They’re usually not political, but insult them and you’ll learn about Squirrel Power!

• 

  hunternomore on August 18 at 8:22 a.m.

  Come on Doug—voters will “piddle” themselves??? Seriously??? Is this “been in the job too long” syndrome? If you can’t produce anything better than that kind of descriptive language, maybe it’s time to–-

• 

  MrNatural on August 18 at 8:59 a.m.

  Nah hunternomore…Doug’s right about that…I went to a tea party rally once and it smelled like pee…

• 

  brianrbreen on August 18 at 9:32 a.m.

  Speaking of rancor! About ten years ago I figured out that every time I voted for a particular candidate they lost, so I changed my strategy and voted for the person I didn’t want elected. That didn’t work either. I finally gave up and for the last few years I just write in Doug Clark hoping at some point others will follow my lead You have to admit that if my new strategy ever works it won’t be the voters piddling themselves.

• 

  kennyhuston on August 18 at 10:39 a.m.

  Doug betcha didn’t know that Kroboth once shot a guy in California - and got away with it!!!

• 

  Shadedmuse on August 18 at 3:13 p.m.

  Mary Verner has been the first Mayor Since Vicki Mcneil to put a postive face on Spokane City hall, No wonder she got 60 percent in a primary that always favour republican canidates.

  Condon’s bases of support is tapped out their is no place for him to go back to Cathy’s office and sling mud as Doug Clark says.

• 

  Ron_the_Cop on August 18 at 4:36 p.m.

  Shadedmuse,

  See my post in the other thread regarding Verner:

  http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2011/aug/18/verners-winning-margin-unrivaled-for-sitting-mayor/?comments#c333622

  Please tell me why is it the voters in this town seem to be imbibing the Cool-Aid way too much. Can’t they see the forest of the trees?

  Look I’m conflicted too. I voted for Verner the last time around because I couldn’t vote for Hession because of his family connections. I don’t know which is worse getting continually robbed by the powers that be in this town or the life threatening consequences of having a police command staff who is complicit in active cover ups of police abuse and misconduct…

• 

  Shadedmuse on August 18 at 7:42 p.m.

  The Spokane Police get their training by playing Grand Theft Auto at Police Acadamy.

• 

  Justsayin' on August 30 at 9:05 a.m.

  I’ll say it again…. If the people of Spokane re-elect this CYA mayor, you deserve her. Live with it!
  gary garrison