May 9, 2011 in Features

The Slice: Let’s go pound some … juiceboxes?


If they are in charge of kids’ baseball or softball teams, it must be difficult for guys of a certain age to avoid using some of the creatively salty language from the classic sports book, “Ball Four.”

Let’s move on.

Just wondering: How do your pets react to the earlier sunrises?

Let’s flash back to last week: “My second-graders were making Mother’s Day cards,” wrote teacher Joan Williams. “As the kids turned them in to me, I looked at them, complimenting their art work, neatness, et cetera.

“One girl had written ‘You’re the beast mother in the wrold.’

Williams gently pointed out that the girl had written “beast” instead of “best.”

“She giggled with embarrassment over her mistake then replied, ‘Well, she can be sometimes.’ ”

That could be the basis for a game: I’ll start.

“Throw Beast Momma From the Train.”

“Beast Mommy Dearest.”

“I Remember Beast Momma.”

“Beast Mother, Jugs and Speed.”

“How I Met Your Beast Mother.”

“Beast Mother and Child Reunion.”

Today’s Slice question: So a woman named Darlene left me a phone message. She sounded like she might be an older person.

It seems there is a rose bush growing on this certain vacant lot. It has yellow blooms. And Darlene wants to snip off a few branches for some horticultural undertaking that, because I know nothing about this sort of thing, I didn’t quite understand.

Before calling me, she had contacted some local government offices and eventually was told that someone with my name owns the land.

Maybe. But it’s not me.

I called her back and told her that I was not the property owner. I also congratulated her on trying to do the right thing. I have a feeling most people would not bother to ask permission.

But I don’t know that for sure. So let me ask.

If you were Darlene, what would you have done?

And how would you have handled it if you had been in my shoes?

Maybe I should have called her back and just said, “Sure, snip away. Or better yet, dig up the whole bush and take it with my compliments.”

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; email If pen and paper disappear, what will become of doodling?

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