August 11, 2012 in Features

The Slice: How else do you expect her to sleep?

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Gail Kopp’s 5-year-old granddaughter sometimes likes to sleep in her parents’ room.

The child says that’s because her own room doesn’t have any “moonshine.”

Kopp assumes this is a reference to the array of windows in the parents’ bedroom.

That must be it. Because it seems unlikely that the little girl’s mommy and daddy are operating a still. Concerns about liquor prices notwithstanding, most consumers don’t resort to do-it-yourself distilling.

And if Kopp had seen a stash of XXX homemade liquor in masonry jugs, she probably would not be sharing any of this with the media.

Of course, you know it’s not really wise to look into these matters too closely.

Consider the following cautionary lines from the classic bluegrass song, “Rocky Top.”

Once two strangers climbed old Rocky Top

Looking for a moonshine still

Strangers ain’t come down from Rocky Top

Reckon they never will

So let’s just assume the little girl is referring to the gossamer sunbeams that bounce off the moon after dark.

But you never know. Some parents have been known to dose their preschoolers with cold remedies to get them to sleep. Who is to say a few sips of white lightning would not be even more effective?

A kid wouldn’t have to be a character from “L’il Abner” to acquire a taste for the stuff.

“Mommy, may I have a sip of my medicine? And maybe a cigarette?”

Nah. Kopp’s granddaughter just likes moonlight. Simple as that. The Slice predicts she will grow up to be a poet or a songwriter.

Maybe one day she’ll write a tune as good as “Rocky Top.”

Corn won’t grow at all on Rocky Top

Ground’s too rocky by far

That’s why all the folks on Rocky Top

Get their corn from a jar

Recycling newspaper delivery bags: Some readers return them to their carriers so they can be used again. Some employ them when picking up after their dogs. Others mentioned litter-box scoopings, wet garbage, covering casts in the shower and picking up dead critters the cat dragged in. And one reader with an active imagination said “a condom.”

Today’s Slice question: Ever aim for a total image overhaul at the start of a new school year?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. If you would like to hear “Rocky Top” performed by the Osborne Brothers, go to The Slice Blog at www.spokesman.com.


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