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The Slice: Go familiarize yourself with vulgarity

Mike Altman was fending off a phone scammer.

The caller sounded like someone for whom English was a second language.

Altman said he wanted nothing to do with the new medical card the guy was talking about.

So the caller replied with a familiar three-word vulgar expression – the one that begins with “Go” and ends with “yourself.”

Only the caller, perhaps not truly familiar with American cursing, ended that rude directive with “someone,” not “yourself.”

You have to admit, that does change it a bit.

“What?” said Altman.

The guy repeated the tweaked command.

I didn’t ask Altman how seriously he took these marching orders.

Just wondering: What impression of Coeur d’Alene and Spokane do Seattle-bound Interstate 90 motorists get if they pass right through or only stop for gas?

A sure sign that someone has finally grown up: “In our case it was when our children said, ‘Remember such and such? Well, you were right Mom.’ ” – Lois Farnsworth-Whysong

“He/she pays all of their own bills.” – Jack Thompson

“They stop boasting about their alma mater.” – Ted Redman

“When the video game controller is put down.” – Rob Clevenger

Then there was this from retiree James Curtiss. “I’ll let you know the answer when I finally grow up myself.”

Watering the Christmas tree: A friend said that used to be her job back when she was a kid. And amazingly enough, she continued getting this assignment even though she managed to knock over the tree more than once.

Maybe she blamed the cat.

Warm-up question: Once, at my first newspaper job, I got a frozen turkey as a Christmas bonus. The publisher must have gotten a deal on some after-Thanksgiving discount birds. Anyway, I placed it under my desk on the morning they were passed out. I spent that day trying not to kick it. What’s your Christmas bonus story?

Today’s Slice question: When someone is new to texting, how long does it usually take that person to abandon any attempt to be perfect re: grammar, spelling, capitalization, et cetera?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Name Spokane’s most popular method of demonstrating that a person has too much time on his or her hands.

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