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The Slice: Let’s just ease into this resolution
I resolve to be a better columnist in 2012.
This can be accomplished, I believe, through hard work, improved listening skills and perhaps answering my phone now and then.
Also, less lazy, self-indulgent first-person stuff.
But as I am actually writing this in 2011, there’s no need to exert myself just yet.
Let’s move on.
Warm-up question 1: What should I say to strangers who tell me I look like Paul Turner?
A) “Who’s that?” B) “I get that a lot.” C) “Your point?” D) “You mean the guy in the carpets commercial?” E) “I’m taller.” F) Other.
Warm-up question 2: What evidence do you have that people’s time spent staring at electronic screens has produced a population of socially inept individuals who also stare in real life?
A) Creepy old guys keep saying you remind them of the young Janet Leigh or Yvonne Craig. B) Your podmate at work said he/she wanted to click on you. C) Someone at your office occasionally mutters “Dear Penthouse” when you walk by. D) Whenever you ask someone if he remembers the “Seinfeld” episode dealing with not staring at cleavage, that person seems baffled. E) Other.
Warm-up question 3: If, in 2012, you were to get a tattoo emblematic of life in the Inland Northwest, what would it depict?
A) Someone getting a tattoo. B) Class warfare. C) People who know how to fix things that can be fixed with hardware. D) The collision of Northwest smugness and Spokane defensiveness. E) Not marmots. F) A heart with the words “Come near me and I will put you on the wall.” G) Other.
Warm-up question 4: If you are one of those cooks who seldom measure ingredients, what is your explanation for that practice?
A) “Who’s got that kind of time?” B) “I cook as if I were playing jazz.” C) “I do it because I know it bugs certain people.” D) “Question authority.” E) “I’m OK with things not turning out exactly the same every time.” F) “I view my kitchen as an improv theater.” G) Other.
Today’s Slice question: If people were to start using your name as a verb in 2012, what would it mean?