December 1, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Beautiful real tree needed artificial limbs

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Here is today’s Christmas tree story.

“Back in the late ’70s, we went out to our 10 acres of undeveloped land to cut down our own Christmas tree,” wrote Joe Kramarz. “We walked the property and found a perfect tree – a fir that was nicely balanced and not too tall.”

So far, so good.

“Unfortunately, I did not tie it down very well on top of my ’73 Ford station wagon. On the way back on Highway 2 it fell off the roof. I stopped quickly and managed to back up to retrieve it from the road. Just as I was about to run out and pick it up, a truck roared by and ran over it. My 10-year-old boy yelled out ‘Dad, that truck just killed our tree!’

“I picked it up along with some broken limbs and stuck it inside the wagon.”

The bottom of the banged-up tree was propped up on the car’s dashboard. The top stuck out the flip-up rear window.

“When we got home, I got out my trusty old Black and Decker drill and proceeded to make holes in the trunk and stuck branches into them. It was no longer perfect but it had enough branches to hang our ornaments on and to be covered with some lights.”

Kramarz recalls that “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” featuring another comeback-story Christmas tree, was on TV during part of the rehab/decorating session.

A truck had run over it. And it was a bit mangled. But the family embraced it.

“It was the most memorable of trees,” said Kramarz. “Baling wire and all.”

Kissing confusion: The thing is, a lot of people don’t even recognize mistletoe when they see it.

Warm-up question: The key to successfully hiding Christmas presents is …

Today’s Slice question: If you were in charge of casting a children’s Christmas pageant, what would you look for in selecting an actor to play the role of baby Jesus? A) Theatrical experience. B) Reliable composure. C) Charisma. D) Chemistry with Mary and Joseph. E) A brooding Brandoesque stage presence. F) Sane parents. G) A kid who asks “What’s my motivation?” H) Ability to remember lines and not burp up when the wise men approach. I) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Rossini’s “Barber of Seville” overture makes you picture what?


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