December 31, 2013 in Features

The Slice: One man’s plan to get in the ‘Zone’

By The Spokesman-Review
 

I am going to be at work today.

That’s not a startling bulletin, I suppose. This column keeps coming out, rain or shine.

Speaking of that, where are the peanut gallery regulars who used to give me a bad time about taking too many vacations? Haven’t heard a word from them about there being a Slice column six days a week for 52 weeks this year.

What? What? As Sgt. Carter used to say on “Gomer Pyle,” “I can’t HEAR YOU!”

But I digress. Let’s get back to the matter at hand.

Here’s my problem. You see, the “Twilight Zone” marathon starts today on the Syfy channel. Even though I know every episode by heart, I like to have it on as background.

I cannot really do that in the newsroom, though. At least, that’s how I used to think.

Now, though, I have an idea.

If college basketball fans can come to work during the NCAA men’s basketball tournament and openly devote most of their shift to watching TV, why can’t I do likewise with the “Zone” marathon?

No reason. So here’s my plan. The nearest TV is quite a distance from my corner of the newsroom. So I’ll have to stroll over to the city desk and pull up a chair. Then I’ll tune in the marathon and crank it up. Maybe pop open a beverage or two.

Disturb anyone? Who cares? Have you ever heard a rabid basketball watcher indicate the slightest awareness that not everyone shares his obsession?

Then, once ensconced, I can just sit back and be a fan. I can almost hear it now.

“Woo-hoo! In yo’ face, Telly Savalas! Take it to the hole, Talky Tina!”

“Mr. Chambers … ‘To Serve Man’ …it’s … it’s a cookbook! Boo-yeah!”

“Gotta get a stop here, Roddy McDowall. Those Martians are playing you for a sap. Ohhhhhh no! You’re in a zoo! Didn’t see that coming.”

“Hey, everybody! Watch this. William Shatner is about to look out at the airliner’s wing. Oh, yeah, That’s right, Bill. It’s Gremlin Time!”

“Could you editors keep it down over there with that story planning or whatever? A friend of mine is in this next episode. He plays a backwoodsy angel. I’d like to be able to hear, if you do not mind.”

Today’s Slice question: Your resolution?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Have a preposterous 2014.


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