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The Slice: Classify it as a transition between good hair days

Sat., Jan. 26, 2013, midnight

Let’s see a show of hands.

How often do you hear compliments about the way your hair looks the day before you are scheduled to get it cut?

What your distant relatives/friends who have never been here think the Spokane area is like: In listing the subheadings of ignorance, readers rounded up the usual suspects — Inland Northwest weather, Eastern Washington politics, proximity to Seattle, images of “frontier” lifestyles and the imagined pervasiveness of racist cults.

Snowflakes: “Regarding your little treatise on snowflakes,” wrote James Standish. “Our oldest has gone to work for Dreamworks in Glendale, Calif. She encountered co-workers who simply did not believe that snowflakes were actually marvelous six-sided crystals. They thought that was only a romantic graphic motif; they were just round little fluffs as drawn in cartoons.”

Today’s Slice question: If your home was bugged, what would the guys out in the van monitoring the electronic eavesdropping be apt to hear? A) The sound of sports on a TV. B) People yelling “What?” from different rooms. C) Beeping from the microwave. D) Laughter.

E) Stupefyingly inane arguments. F) Barking. G) The sounds of an electric can opener and a meowing cat. H) A kid practicing the clarinet.

I) Chewing and compliments to the chef. J) An old Neil Young album. K) Muttering. L) National Public Radio.

M) A dishwasher running. N) Loud sex. O) A little kid bouncing around and going nuts with a cowbell. P) The distinctive click of billiard balls.

Q) The ding announcing that a text has arrived. R) Someone singing “Buffalo Gals” in the shower. S) Champagne corks popping. T) People playing Uno and coughing.

U) Mutterers plotting the violent overthrow of the government. V) Logs crackling in a fireplace and loud yawning. W) People not answering the phone and someone saying “While you’re up … ”

X) The whir of a food processor and growl of a garbage disposal. Y) A woman asking where she put her glasses. Z) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Knowing what to say can be a challenge when you have serious qualms about some of the work loudly praised by managers at your workplace.

 
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