July 2, 2013 in Features

The Slice: First rule of fourth grade: No Jedis

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Connie King’s grandson was given an assignment at the end of the school year last month.

Having just completed fourth grade, Riley Zielfelder was asked to offer advice to kids who will be fourth-graders this coming fall.

Riley is about to turn 10. It’s clear that he has learned a few things about life. So here is his “Fourth grade survivle guide.”

“Rule # 1 Do not dress up like someone from Star wars or something.”

Check.

“Rule # 2 Don’t replace friends with girls.”

Check.

“Rule # 3 Don’t act all cool or you’ll actualy look like a nerd.”

Check.

“Rule # 4 If you aren’t nice you won’t have any friends.”

Check.

“Rule # 5 Get to know people before you become thier friend. The way to get a lot of friends is to be funny but don’t try too hard and make people think you’re annoying. And finally don’t have friends that are mean.”

Check.

Words to live by.

Today’s fireflies story: Chewelah’s Jay Luhtala recalled kids in the Midwest smuggling jars containing lightning bugs into a movie theater and releasing them after the lights went down.

Re: actors you normally can’t stand: “Jim Carrey in ‘The Majestic’ is so good,” wrote Jewel Baccarella.

Jon Etherton tossed another name in the hat. “After watching too many episodes of ‘Cheers’ I got pretty tired of Ted Danson. Just his hairdo alone would be reason not to like him. That changed when I saw the 1989 movie ‘Dad,’ where he plays an overly busy business type who is forced to slow down and deal with his aging parents.”

A colleague mentioned Tom Cruise’s manic turn as a volcanic movie executive in 2008’s “Tropic Thunder.”

Second coming alert: A local church’s news release detailing a “Summer Fun Festival” promises “Free carnival games, inflatable obstacle courses, drawings and storytime with Jesus.”

Perhaps I should alert the city desk.

Today’s Slice question: What’s it like to have Independence Day as your birthday?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. It’s a bit of a shock to learn that there are 21st century youngsters who do not recognize the acronym “SBD.”

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