July 23, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Required reading for Zombie B.S.

By The Spokesman-Review
 

I keep thinking about the 4-year-old boy in Monday’s Slice who announced at dinner that he wants to be a zombie when he grows up.

He’ll need training. So what Northwest college do you suppose would have the best program for that? EWU? UW? A church school?

Please make your case in 25 words or less. Readers submitting theories about where a local kid should matriculate to pursue zombie studies will be eligible to win coveted reporter’s notebooks.

Let’s move on.

Today’s Slice question: What did a seemingly inconsequential summer job wind up teaching you about the world of work and looming adulthood?

A) That some waitresses lie about how much they made in tips. B) It taught me that there are grown-ups who devote 95 percent of their energy to complaining. C) That the person everyone turns to in a crisis isn’t necessarily the coolest or most popular employee. D) That having a job that bores you is a special kind of hell.

E) That keeping your mouth shut and always showing up on time can earn you the begrudging acceptance of someone you thought would despise you forever just because you were a smartass kid with long hair. F) That not every 45-year-old laborer is eager to hear about your high school antics. G) That weary workers can be pretty creative when it comes to nicknames for the boss. H) That back-shop commentary about attractive customers can be remarkably entertaining.

I) That my mother was right about men. J) I learned what people really thought about the relative who got me the job. K) I learned that excuses just make mistakes worse. L) That eight hours of canned music does something to your brain.

M) That working at a video rental place makes you a movie-trivia queen. N) That true leaders inspire by example. O) That you cannot predict who will have the most astonishingly foul mouth. P) That just smiling and continuing to dig can be the best way to answer “Gettin’ tired, college boy?”

Q) It taught me to listen in a way school never did. R) A lot goes on in restaurant kitchens that diners don’t know about. S) That pride has nothing to do with prestige. T) A lot of golfers cheat. U) Other.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. List the drawbacks to using outdoor clotheslines.

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