March 12, 2013 in Features

The Slice: If only he had a nickel for every time he missed

By The Spokesman-Review
 

It wasn’t immediately clear what was happening.

A 30-ish woman standing on a sidewalk downtown had positioned herself behind a little boy who was faced away from her. He looked to be about 3.

She lifted him straight up.

Then the mission became apparent. The lad slowly aimed a coin toward a curbside parking meter.

But insertion was unsuccessful. Then he dropped the money.

So the woman I assumed to be his mom put him down. She picked up the coin and handed it to the little boy once more.

Then she raised him up again.

The kid had a look of total concentration. Think grim determination. He could not have been more focused if he were defusing a bomb.

His small coin-holding hand moved deliberately, as if it were an orbiter about to dock with the space station.

Closer … closer … closer.

An ecstatic smile announced his success. After he was back on solid ground, he looked up. He saw that his mom was smiling, too.

Today’s Slice question: What should you say to a woman about her shoes? A) Nothing. B) “Those could pass for ruby slippers.” C) “How sensible.” D) “My, but those are appealingly clunky.” E) “Are those heels an indication that you hope to be viewed as a sex object?” F) “Been gardening?” G) “Boy, I’ll bet you could kick a field goal in those babies.” H) “Didn’t the bowling alley want those back?” I) “Would I be correct in assuming that your footwear is intended to be pre-emptively contraceptive?” J) “How fawn-like.” K) “Fetching.” L) “Are those P.F. Flyers?” M) “My eyes are up here.” N) “I’m guessing those boots were made for walkin’.” O) “I think I saw an ad for those in Bride & Pumps.” P) “Had you been smoking marijuana just before you purchased those?” Q) “Are those biblical?” R) “Hey! You own something besides flip-flops!” S) “They remind me of that Steve Martin essay collection.” T) “What happens if you click your heels three times?” U) “Birks?” V) “Are those your dancing shoes?” W) “Catholic girls school, 1967.” X) “Man, you can tell that whoever designed those didn’t like women.” Y) “Those are quite becoming.” Z) Other.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Gordon Lightfoot performed at Expo ’74.


Thoughts and opinions on this story? Click here to comment >>

Get stories like this in a free daily email