September 17, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Is there a third choice?

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Which is easier to take …

Strangers nearby jabbering in a movie theater or watching a film at home while beloved family members keep up a steady stream of “Is that the same guy?” … “Why did she do that?” … “Didn’t he already sleep with her?”

When reality disagrees with your mental map: “We arrived in Spokane from Southern California one year ago,” wrote James Curtiss. “There have been many times I have wanted to drive to In-N-Out Burger, but realize the closest one is in Redding, Calif., 670 miles away.”

Connie Murray understands.

“Try driving down Division trying to get to the Wal-Mart in San Antonio. Or how about the time my 10-year-old daughter said ‘Let’s go to Tomato Street for dinner tonight’ as she watched me get really excited … until I realized we had moved to Ohio.

“Lived too many places, moving too many times. Every two years. Happens every time we move. Takes longer every time to adjust. Thank God we are finally here for good!”

Warm-up questions: Is being an old fart determined by age or by attitude? Is old fart a gender-specific designation? Is there anything special about how one achieves that status in the Spokane area? Are some old farts actually just advocates for decency and common sense? Can you still be considered an old fart if you spend 10 hours a day looking at your smartphone? Are Spokane old farts in any way old fartier than old farts in, say, Arizona or Florida? Do old farts visualize themselves as old farts or is their self-image based on significantly younger models of themselves? Is there a value to having old farts in your workforce? When young people see old farts do they ever consider that the individuals in question were not always old farts?

Today’s Slice questions: If you decided to form a tribute band, what musical group would you salute?

What does that say about your psychological state? Would pretending to be the band in question require wigs, trouser vegetables, belligerence, hot pants, obvious on-stage tension or accents? What would your expectations be in terms of groupies?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. How do you pronounce the abbreviated plural word for bratwurst?

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