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The Slice: Backyard camping considerations

Sat., July 19, 2014

Here are the Top 20 things little kids need to remember if they plan to camp out in the backyard this weekend.

20.) Considering your hygiene deficiencies and stinky jammies, do you really think a grizzly bear would regard you as a delectable morsel?

19.) When your dad says “It’s going to get down to 10 degrees tonight” he is really saying “I don’t feel like hauling the tent out of the garage.”

18.) The old couple across the street are taking bets and offering 10-to-1 odds that you will be back in the house for good by 8 p.m.

17.) If bugs freak you out, your plan to play “Lewis & Clark campsite” might need rethinking.

16.) When the inevitable attack of savage beasts occurs at about midnight, which side will your teddy bear be on?

15.) If you unzip the tent after dark and scan the yard with a flashlight, you might see a reflection of animal eyes. Chances are it is your sister’s cat, Mr. Darcy, hunting night crawlers.

14.) It is almost impossible to be bitten by a shark in your backyard.

13.) Devouring all your snacks in the first five minutes is not wise.

12.) A wayward mountain lion might not recognize you as an entree.

11.) If you fall asleep listening to music via earbuds, you might not hear the neighbors arguing in their backyard.

10.) Most raccoons are not rabid.

9.) It’s OK to go inside to use the bathroom.

8.) Zombies exist only in the form of Spokane Valley voters.

7.) If the automatic sprinklers come on at 4 a.m., speak to a parental unit about resetting the system.

6.) Mosquitoes don’t care.

5.) You seldom see a dingo around here, but we do have coyotes.

4.) If you are sleeping on someone’s foot, the tent might be overcrowded.

3.) Most snakes are not dangerous.

2.) When a bat gets tangled in your hair, stay calm.

1.) If it’s Bigfoot out there, he probably just wants a sandwich.

Today’s Slice question: What did you learn about your relatives at the family reunion?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Some people around here make assumptions about those who have never owned a pickup.

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