March 10, 2014 in Features

The Slice: If it’s in the form of a limerick, the odds are in your favor

By The Spokesman-Review
 
The Spokesman-Review photo

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist.
(Full-size photo)

With just one week until St. Patrick’s Day, it seems reasonable to ask.

What did you sing while standing on the bar at O’Doherty’s to get your signed dollar stapled to the wall?

Well, what song would you sing?

Slice answer: “I really realized that I married the right person when my husband of almost 55 years passed away.” – C.D.

Kidspeak: When Christy Mills’ son was about 3, he loved popcorn “Only when he tried to say it, it came out as ‘cop porn.’ ”

Slice answers: In the matter of what people would say if you declared your pet to be the “best doggone dog in the West,” Moscow’s Blake Ballard had some guesses.

• “You’re a liar.”

• “He’s not even the best doggone dog on Grant Street.”

And in the Slice challenge in which readers were to change a word in a certain old movie title, I liked an answer that came from the same Idaho household.

“They Slid With Their Boots On,” wrote Lynda Ballard.

How stuffed animals owned by one little kid feel about those less-fortunate plush toys doing public service in medical waiting rooms: One of Kyle Peterson’s theories involves empathy. “There but for the greater love of Gund, go I.”

Awkward elevator ride: John and Marilyn Mraz were on a downtown Spokane elevator with their 3-year-old daughter. An incredibly obese man got on. John and Marilyn prayed that their daughter would keep quiet. She did, until after the enormous man got off. Then the little girl exclaimed “That man was HUUUUUUUGE!”

Running a tab: When Judi Durfee was a young woman back around 1960, she ran a tab with a Boston area taxi cab company where her brother was a night dispatcher.

She liked not having to worry about a car. There was one problem though. “My brother always knew where I was.”

But Durfee came up with a solution. “A few well-placed extravagant monetary tips ensured my privacy for certain adventures.”

Today’s Slice question: How many times a day do you think about money?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. In response to the question about how many people have seen you naked, Jeannie Maki wrote “Yikes!”


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