March 25, 2014 in Features

The Slice: Summer’s closing in, watch out for this guy

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Summer will be here soon.

With that in mind, The Slice presents the transcript of an exclusive interview with The Spokane Guy Who Knows How to Wangle Invitations to the Lake.

You won’t believe what he had to say.

Q: So what’s the secret?

A: It never hurts to be overheard saying things like “You know, I’m in the mood to do some roofing” or “Gee, I wish I had something that needed painting.”

Q: What else?

A: Oh, there’s plenty. One of my favorites involves finding occasions to volunteer “You know, in my whole life I have never been responsible for stopping up a toilet.”

Q: But don’t people with lake places usually invite relatives and longtime friends?

A: Yes, but a lot of relatives come with built-in drawbacks. They talk too much and eat everything in the refrigerator.

Q: So what are you saying?

A: I’m saying that the way to get invited to the lake is to present yourself as a good listener and a strict dieter who will not drink the last beer.

Q: Why do you enjoy a weekend at the lake?

A: The truth is, I could take it or leave it. But it is always good to be reminded about leaky boats, faulty plumbing and rodent infestations.

Q: What about communing with nature?

A: I’m all for it. But when the guy one dock over has a fleet of obnoxiously loud motorized watercraft, it’s more like communing with decibels.

Q: So why wangle invites to the lake?

A: Because I need an annual reality check. In theory, it all seems so idyllic. Cool breezes, cold drinks, lively banter, everyone looking good in their casual wear, people vying for your attention at cookouts on the beach.

Q: So it’s not like that?

A: Oh, maybe in some parallel universe. But what I sometimes see is husbands and wives snapping at one another while sullen teens complain about not being able to get a phone signal. Woo-hoo!

Q: Why even bother then?

A: Because going to the lake is like the approach of a new baseball season. There’s always hope.

Today’s Slice question: Do you have scars from potato-peeling mishaps?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Ever lived anywhere that required you to make high-elevation recipe adjustments when baking?

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