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The Slice: Life doesn’t always compute
Perhaps this won’t come as a shock.
But not everyone in the Spokane area adores computers.
It’s true. In fact, some of those reading today’s newspaper have successfully fended off the S-R’s many attempts to entice them into going online.
These holdouts are often viewed as cranky old Luddites. Is that fair? Well, let’s find out.
Here are some questions frequently asked of low-tech people. (I have managed to provide answers as a result of a highly unusual collective Vulcan mind meld.)
Q: Why haven’t you embraced this seemingly ubiquitous technology?
A: Look, I have nothing against computers. But I get anxious when someone tries to teach me how to use one. As a result, I am not in a good frame of mind to learn. So I wind up feeling stupid. That’s not a feeling I enjoy. I am not stupid. I just have a mental block or something.
Q: But do you ever think of what you are missing?
A: Not really. The only people who believe I am deprived have their faces in one screen or another all day or are texting while driving.
Q: What about Twitter, email and Facebook?
A: Somehow I manage to survive without alerting everyone to my plan to have a sandwich.
Q: You realize, of course, that even lots of arguably dim bulbs are able to use a computer, right?
A: Your point?
Q: Well, ah, never mind. But doesn’t your inability to access the Internet make you feel left out?
A: Why? I have two cats of my own.
Q: But what about all the companies that make it quite clear they want you to do business online instead of in person or via snail mail?
A: I assume I will have shuffled off to the great beyond before they totally win the day.
Q: What do friends and relatives think of your policy?
A: It has taken some time, but they mostly understand my attitude about having a personal choice regarded as a character flaw.
Q: Will you send me an angry email after this runs? Hahahahahaha.
A: Why? The IBM Selectric is the perfect machine.
Today’s Slice question: What has your child lost the most of? Sunglasses? Mittens? Lunch boxes? Phones?