The Slice: Maybe he should smoke a cigar or chew on a towel

One of my friends is coaching a fourth-graders’ Hoopfest team.

There’s no need to mention any names. But he has been urged to go full Bobby Knight with this. You know, wear a garish blazer, scream at the court monitor, let the spittle fly, throw a chair and generally turn his sideline stint into performance art.

Alas, he is too much of a grownup for any of that.

Let’s move on.

Four Hoopfest excuses: 1. “Court monitor and I dated the same girl at Eastern.” 2. “They listed our team name as ‘Groin My Way.’ ” 3. “South Hill gamblers paid our best player to miss his shots.” 4. “The behavior of several of the parents pretty much guaranteed that our kids would not have fun.”

Just wondering: Could you relate to the depiction of the end of the school year in 1993’s “Dazed and Confused”?

This date in Slice history (1999): Favorite water-balloon story: Janet Lake’s involves watching three grade-school girls in two-piece swimsuits using them for figure augmentation.

Slice answers: “How often do you present the best version of your personality?” wrote Nadine Joubert. “Every moment I’m sober.”

Jack Thompson offered this. “Always stay the same. As Popeye said, ‘I yam what I yam.’ ”

If some kids tried operating a 24-hour lemonade stand in your neighborhood: Ken Campbell, who lives near a dirt road just outside Deer Park, said the clouds of dust raised by speeding cars would soon turn the lemonade to mud.

Warm-up question: Who around here has visited the Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument in Montana the greatest number of times?

The anniversary of the 1876 battle is next weekend.

Today’s Slice question: When you were given a second chance at life, what did you do?

A) I had high hopes for reinventing myself but wound up slipping right back into my familiar rut. B) I transformed myself into a tireless social service volunteer and advocate for economic justice. C) I tried to make every day count. D) I stopped complaining about matters of little consequence. E) I acquired a new capacity for patience and became a much better listener. F) I did not change one iota. G) I tossed out all the old social norms and went after whatever I thought would make me feel happy and alive. H) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Harry Wilson was at Clinkerdagger last weekend and saw a gathering of familiar rodents down below. “I thought you said there was no Marmot Lodge meeting this month.”