July 30, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Four-step program for whiny youths

By The Spokesman-Review
 
The Spokesman-Review photo

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist.
(Full-size photo)

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Step 1: Direct your child or grandchild to hose out the garbage barrels.

Step 2: Tell him or her to go back and do a better job.

Step 3: Do a lively impression of said youth’s whiny protests.

Step 4: Say, “Yeah, you’ve got it rough.”

Five reasons you have been making fewer salads than you might expect at this time of year: 1. Really good ones require something like seven hours to prepare. 2. There is seldom a time when all 43 ingredients you deem necessary are actually on hand at home. 3. Certain members of the household are saladaphobic. 4. You found something in the lettuce back in May. Say no more. 5. Still waiting for the whole listening to jazz/reading thought-provoking novels/sipping perfect iced tea while wearing elegant natural fibers summer lifestyle to kick in.

Christmas Eve is 21 weeks from today: Do you remember when “shopping days” didn’t count Sundays?

Please rank these places in order of how happy you think you might be living there: A) Minneapolis/St. Paul. B) Flagstaff, Ariz. C) Portland, Maine. D) Bend, Ore. E) Logan, Utah. F) Fort Collins, Colo. G) Redding, Calif. H) Boise. I) Bozeman. J) Madison, Wis. K) Austin, Texas. L) Las Vegas. M) Destin, Fla. N) Vancouver, B.C.

Warm-up question: Do you ever think back about how you were taught to tackle in football practice and marvel at the fact that you emerged without life-altering injury?

Today’s Slice question: If you have ever watched a dog show, you are no doubt familiar with hearing “This breed was originally tasked with pursuing vermin” or “A born herder, these dogs once excelled as ranch hands.”

That’s all well and good. But here’s the thing. For many of us, the whole vermin thing is pretty much under control, and our stock-herding needs are rather limited. What we could really use are dogs that can find the TV remote. So here’s the question.

What special 21st century skill do you wish your dog had in its array of abilities?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. A friend told his daughter she could ask him anything, so she requested an explanation of “F word.”

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