The Slice: We’re gonna need a bigger suspension of disbelief

Not long after “Jaws” came out in June 1975, a friend of mine named Ken Miller started doing an uncanny impression of someone being attacked by a shark.

The fact that these simulated incidents took place in the relatively tranquil waters of Vermont’s Lake Champlain made Ken’s performance somehow all the more impressive.

Ken would be crouching in chest-high water. He would be in the middle of saying something and then – wham! – his body would explode out of the lake as he contorted his face into a shocked expression and blurted something that sounded like “Ulp!”

He would thrash about for a few seconds, as if squeezed in the maw of a great white just out of sight, and then disappear below the surface, a desperate, pleading hand the last to go under.

It was great stuff. Even the 10th time.

Anyway, here’s my question. Did the Inland Northwest have its own Ken Millers?

You know how this area loves water recreation. It just stands to reason that we would have had a rash of simulated shark attacks in local lakes back in 1975.

But I didn’t live here then. And so every summer I wonder. What aquatic theatrics did that movie blockbuster inspire in area waters?

Oh, I almost forgot to mention. My friend Ken also did his act in swimming pools. But there was something a bit unbelievable about those chlorinated performances.

Things learned in the military with no civilian use: “Stand at attention,” wrote Gene Moore.

Warm-up questions: Could you draw the floor plan of the home you grew up in (or at least one of them)? Are screen doors like the ones you grew up with a thing of the past or do you still encounter them now and then? Is potato salad an aphrodisiac or a nap inducer? Do children who have grown up here believe you when you tell them about fireflies? Is it enough to tell kids the beers in the fridge are for adults only, or do you need to let them try one and presumably dislike the taste?

Today’s Slice question: There are all sorts of brands of one-upmanship. But perhaps the Inland Northwest’s favorite involves competing to see who has the best stories making the case that our mom/dad/grandparent/ spouse/sibling/boss/landlord/ business partner/et cetera is the cheapest person in America.

So what’s your story?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Some scars from skateboarding mishaps are 50 years old.