Doug Clark

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Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: We BOOBs say naughty novels don’t belong in high school hands

Sun., April 6, 2014

Ban Overly Offensive Books, the right-minded organization that was founded in this space almost 20 years ago, would like to shout a hearty “Amen!” to the brave trustees of Idaho’s Meridian School District. The trustees voted the other day to remove author Sherman Alexie’s “The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian” from an English supplemental reading list for high school sophomores.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Gerlach’s 911 call transfixes courtroom listeners

Thu., April 3, 2014

Courtroom 303 in the Spokane County Courthouse will never win any prizes for being a sterling venue for jurisprudence. Cramped. Cluttered.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Mini-me shows real potential

Tue., April 1, 2014

When you get to be a man of my age, it’s only natural to start worrying about your impending death. Well, impending incontinence first.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Catch a ride aboard the county gravy train

Sun., March 30, 2014

For those with a low work ethic and a desire for easy money, have I got an offer! There is still a month and change left to file your candidacy for the 2014 elections.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Coppers could learn from area criminals

Thu., March 27, 2014

The suspicious behavior of Deputy Todd Saunders has me deeply concerned about the Spokane County Sheriff’s Office. Saunders, if you missed it, was put on paid administrative leave the other day for parking his marked squad car for long periods of time outside a West Plains residence that is not his.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Raising chickens at home more costly than you think

Tue., March 25, 2014

When I heard that the South Hill Library was hosting a “Backyard Chicken Workshop” Monday night, well, I knew I had to be there. I don’t like to brag, but I consider myself the Picasso of backyard poultry.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Guns, grounds uneasy new blend for Spokane coffee scene

Sun., March 23, 2014

Spokane is experiencing a coffee stand crime wave that is already having unappealing consequences for us caffeine-addicted consumers. The real fear of banditry is driving some baristas to augment their attire with holsters and handguns.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Trying to make heads or tails of Spokane’s coin craze

Thu., March 20, 2014

So the stooges on the Spokane County Commission (Larry, Moe and Girly) are blowing $5,125 to have 300 special coins made that they’ll give away to VIPs and cronies. This is the sort of nonsense that happens when three members of the same party occupy all the commission seats.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: You love Gonzaga? Get in line, Przemek

Tue., March 18, 2014

Think you love the Zags? Really? Yeah. Yeah. You’ve got the posters and the T-shirts and ballcaps, all of which are adorned with that beloved Bulldog.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Only you can help Avista’s cats stay fat

Sun., March 16, 2014

Welcome to “Loot for the Loaded,” our first-ever charity telethon. I’m devoting my column today to helping poor Avista executives, who are feeling the pinch like never before.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Mead’s jazz choir sings its way to the top

Thu., March 13, 2014

With the annual March Madness phenomenon barely upon us, one Spokane team has already made it into the elite eight. Not that Mead High School’s jazz choir has anything to do with hoops.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Bad stuff’s going to happen – but it didn’t here Feb. 12

Tue., March 11, 2014

February 12 in a still-snow-buried Spokane passed quieter than the Denver Broncos locker room after Super Bowl XLVIII. Did you notice? Did you care?

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Butch Otter takes Idaho from Spud State to Stud State

Sun., March 9, 2014

Before we explore the ins and outs of how the Republican governor of Idaho wound up in an unrated soft-core sex flick, allow me a moment to pose a simple question. Isn’t “Butch Otter” about the best-ever name for a porn star?

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Record collector preserves best of his generation

Thu., March 6, 2014

With apologies to Huey Lewis, the heart of rock ’n’ roll is not the beat. Not around here, anyway.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Spots remain on roster for Condon roast

Tue., March 4, 2014

We interrupt Vladimir Putin’s attempt to start World War III with some truly eyebrow-raising news. After months of secret, high-level phone calls and lunch meetings, the stars have finally aligned for me to announce my role as MC for the first (and quite possibly last) comedy roast of the mayor of Spokane.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Son’s in the Thicke of breaking celeb news

Sun., March 2, 2014

They don’t call it a Magic Kingdom for nothing. Yes, I’m home from my family trip to Disneyland. We flew back from the land of palm trees and Southern California sunshine the other night only to find Spokane buried in piles of white, just like Ankeny’s in the ’80s.

News >  Spokane

Clark: Dare’s ‘Au gratin scholar’ missing

Thu., Feb. 27, 2014

Robin Dare doesn’t know whether to be mad, flattered or try to call for those art-rescuing “Monuments Men.” And why is Dare, one of my favorite Spokane artists, in such a state of bemused befuddlement?

News >  Spokane

Your coffee order includes a six-pack at Spokane stand

Thu., Feb. 20, 2014

First came the nearly nude jiggling barista gals at XXXtreme Espresso. Now come the bare-chested beefcake boys, flaunting their tanned man muscles at Hot Cup of Joe.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Readers relate nightmares at 30,000 feet

Tue., Feb. 18, 2014

Lavatory lockdown, a barfing brat and the unforgettable squeeze of plump friction. The lucky ducks have landed in my Flight-Fright contest.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Union attack on Ozzie Knezovich’s faith bigoted, sleazy

Sun., Feb. 16, 2014

Sure, I knew the deputy sheriffs union had it in for Spokane County Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich. The sheriff believes anyone worthy of wearing a badge should be able to hold off from doing the dance with no pants until after the shift ends.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Too much Christmas cheer for this time of year

Thu., Feb. 13, 2014

Christmas was 50 days ago. Since then we’ve partied away New Year’s Eve, we’ve sung happy birthday to Martin Luther King Jr. and we’ve watched the Seahawks bash the Broncos on Super Bowl Sunday.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Upcoming vacation is giving me high anxiety

Tue., Feb. 11, 2014

My nights have been filled with sleepless dread over our upcoming trip to meet the kids at Disneyland. I love my kids. I want to see them, sure.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Beatles fans share their memories and memorabilia

Sun., Feb. 9, 2014

A John Lennon autograph. A dubious lock of Beatle hair. A shoebox that once held “Beatles Sneakers by Wing Dings …”

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: Free speech shields bar; customers may not

Thu., Feb. 6, 2014

When I heard that a Spokane bar was serving “Date Grape Koolaid,” I knew the morons running this joint would eventually need my help. And sure enough, the Daiquiri Factory, 121 N. Wall St., is now in trouble up to its highballs.

Opinion >  Column

Doug Clark: The twist and shout heard round the world

Tue., Feb. 4, 2014

“I hope I’ll have enough money to go into a business of my own by the time we do flop.” – George Harrison during an early interview on the future of the Beatles. Beatlemania is once again sweeping the country, and I’ve been twisting and shouting as much as my arthritic knees will allow, which is pretty sad when you think about it.