Cheap Seats

Fish story< That’s MISTER Kerchal to you, bub. Bryan Kerchal, dead last at the 1993 BASS Masters Classic, shocked the field last weekend by taking top honors at this year’s event good for a $50,000 check.

Not bad for a 23-year-old short-order cook from Newton, Conn. Kerchal, among 30,000 amateurs who competed for five spots in the Classic, outfished the country’s best pro anglers on North Carolina’s High Rock Lake. Oil’s well

Dennis Boyd bounced out of the majors in 1991, but he still talks big-league trash in the bushes.

“There ain’t but 20 pitchers in the big leagues who can pitch,” said the man called Oil Can, now with Sioux City.

And the Can’s drug problem? “It’s my life and I can do what I want. I did drugs, sure. Anybody who says he hasn’t is telling a lie. I know 80 percent of the players in the majors did drugs … and half the league was alcoholics.”

Boyd, by the way, claims his fastball still pushes 90 mph. Which almost matches his mouth. Illegal sparring

“Press 4 if you are seeking legal representation; Press 5 if you need a sparring partner…”

James Toney apparently chose the latter when he called the O.J. Simpson evidence hotline Robert Shapiro was spotted last month at Mickey Rourke’s Outlaw Gym in L.A., going two rounds with Toney, a 168-pound world champ.

“I’ve got it on video,” Shapiro boasted. “I made out better than the guy before me. He got a broken nose.”

Look for Toney to file a motion to suppress the video evidence.

A few notches below ToneyShapiro was last week’s fight card in Cincinnati. Reds owner Marge Schott was co-promoter, and the main event featured 40-ish Trevor Berbick KO-ing Paul “Rocky” Phillips for something called the IBC heavyweight crown.

Berbick, on probation after a 1992 conviction for sexually assaulting the family babysitter, filled in for Tyrell Biggs, who had blurry vision. Best bet on the tube

Yo: World Championship basketball it’s fantastico! Watch Shawn Kemp and Dream Team II vs. Spain. 4 p.m., TNT (cable 11 in Spokane). The last word …

“At least now I know I have a muscle in my stomach. A lot of people didn’t think I did.” John Kruk, whose abdominal lumps stemmed from a muscle strain, and not cancer