Cheap Seats

So is he an overseer or an underseer?

A hearty Cheap Seats welcome to Irv Tallman, Washington State University’s new faculty representative to the athletic department - an appointment that figures to add further muscle to the school’s commitment to rules compliance in the wake of the most recent NCAA probation slapped on the school. As Tallman himself said at a press conference last week, the faculty rep “plays a more active role (at WSU) than ever before - perhaps to the annoyance of the athletic department.”

But what’s this? A few breaths later, Tallman noted, “I do not make policy. It’s important that my role is that of an outsider that offers oversights.”

Hey, isn’t that what put WSU on probation in the first place?

Replacement bull

Sorry, no equal time here. Here are some salient thoughts on replacement baseball from some less-than-objective sources:

David Segui, New York Mets outfielder and first baseman: “Just don’t call it major-league baseball. It’s like if you went to New York for an opera expecting to see Pavarotti, and the curtain opens and Roseanne is sitting there.”

Larry Bowa, Phillies’ third-base coach: “Putting that uniform on should be an honor … and now to see this plan in effect where they say, ‘Oh well, just get anyone in here.’ It’s a slap in the face to anyone who has ever played.”

Dave Magadan, free-agent third baseman: “It used to be you had to put in a good career in the minor leagues. Now all you’ve got to do is quit your day job.”

Jim Bouton, “Ball Four” author and former Yankees pitcher: “It’s like the owners telling the fans, ‘This is how stupid we think you are. You’ll root for anybody in Yankee pinstripes.’ What you’re doing is rooting for logos. It’s like going to see Frank Sinatra in concert and getting a karaoke singer.”

Breakfast of some champions

Without an athlete on its box, Wheaties is just corn flakes. So the top of General Mills’ breakfast line is releasing a limited edition box to grocers in greater Boston to commemorate the final year of Boston Garden - and, not coincidentally, sell a little more cereal. The special box features Red Auerbach surrounded by five stars of yesteryear: Larry Bird, Bob Cousy, John Havlicek, K.C. Jones and Jo Jo White.

Where’s Bill Russell, the definitive Celtic of the definitive Celtic era?

“The Celtics basically made the recommendations to us,” said Wheaties spokeswoman Kathryn Newton, “and Bill Russell isn’t there because he didn’t cooperate. He probably would have cooperated for lots and lots of money, but we don’t have lots and lots of money to give him.”

Yeah, it’s a shame Wheaties can’t compete with Fruit Rings and Toasty O’s and other big-market cereals.

The last word …

“Experts say that it appears that detective Mark Fuhrman and this VanAdder guy may have received coaching. You know, you look at the Clippers, the Kings, the Rams … nice to know that someone in this town is getting some coaching.”

- Jay Leno, on the Simpson trial and L.A. pro sports