Bottom Lines

Were those the words she really wanted?

Marilyn Quayle was in town last week, urging the nation to cut down on divisiveness, and to “get rid of hyphenated Americans.” She didn’t specify on where to send them.

That’s not what she meant

She meant, of course, that we should get rid of the hyphens, so we can all be just Americans. For instance, she and her husband would now be plain old Americans, instead of rich-spoiled-smug-country-club-Americans.

The Quayles worry about this

She also said she is very worried that Clinton has “abdicated his leadership role.” Verrrry worried. I have this picture of her and Dan sitting around the house, hoping against hope that Clinton will become strong, visionary and decisive.

Gee, Marilyn, that’s a vivid image

Then she said she’s worried that “if Clinton sits back too long, our presidency will be emasculated.” She did not specify by whom.

A Quayle in the White House

Enough about Marilyn Quayle. Her husband isn’t even going to run in ‘96, although he shouldn’t rule out the possibility of becoming First Husband.

Sometimes, a cigar is just a smoke

O.J. attorneys said this week that when Mark Fuhrman mentioned Cancun in a Spokesman-Review interview, the second syllable was actually a racial slur against blacks. I, naively, believed he was referring to a Mexican beach resort.

The new, correct pronunciation of Cancun

So, from now on, all sensitive-minded people will refer to Cancun as “CanTown.”

Oh, this man is clever

Next thing you know, that bigot Fuhrman will mention “Anaheim,” proving he hates Jews.

Do you think this is a coincidence?

Hey, wait a minute. Ida-ho? Isn’t this a disparaging slur against women, or women of color, or women named Ida? Is this what Fuhrman really means when he mentions that state? Get F. Lee Bailey on the phone.

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