An All-Too-Real Bedtime Story For Cynics

This is a tale of media influence - a bedtime story for cynics.

I’ll even give the ending away in advance: Last week, Time-Warner was reported to be near an agreement to sell its stock in Interscope, the record label through which it distributes such rock ‘n’ rap shockers as Tupac Shakur, Nine Inch Nails and Snoop Doggy Dogg.

This follows a barrage of criticism from Senate Majority Leader Robert Dole, R-Kan., who, in turn, was following in the footsteps of everybody from Tipper Gore to Charlton Heston.

That’s the punch line. Here’s the story:

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Squalor, the Children were wild in the streets. The nights rang with the sound of gunfire and squealing tires. Twelve-year-olds were carrying weapons; 14-year-olds were dealing drugs; 16-year-olds were planning for funerals instead of proms. Death was the New Ethos.

For decades, the Good People of Squalor - and there were many - had cried out for help but had received only silence. They went looking for the Parents of Squalor to demand that they curb their children, only to discover that the Parents were little more than children themselves.

At the height of Squalor’s despair, the media Multinational looked down on the Children. They were its best customers, and Multinational prided itself on knowing and providing what they wanted. But when Multinational saw the Children, it was shocked and stunned - it simply couldn’t believe that it had failed to recognize the New Ethos and capitalize on it.

As I said, this is where media influence comes into play, but not in the typical sense. Multinational fell under the influence of the Children of Squalor. They led it astray; they seduced it onto the path of musical sewage that celebrated their misdeeds; they rewarded it with grand profits.

Multinational was happy because it was making money. The Children were happy because their mayhem now had theme music. The Good People were appalled because they knew this was profoundly wrong.

Some accused Multinational of being a bad influence on the Children, but this was laughable. Everyone knew the Children were ordering Multinational around, not vice versa. Besides, the Children were bad before Multinational got there.

Still others suggested that it was irresponsible to validate the anti-social behavior of the Children. But Multinational quoted the First Amendment and suggested that sewage serves a lofty purpose in the arena of public discourse - which was, of course, a lie.

And so there was a stalemate, a drumbeat of criticism drowned out by the rattle of coins.

But just as water erodes rock, the criticism was wearing down Multinational more than anyone knew. With growing alarm, it began to realize that people didn’t like it.

Then, along came the Senator Who Wanted to Be President who figured that since Multinational was so friendless, he could knock it around and score a few points.

The Senator huffed and he puffed and he blew Multinational down. Weakened by public scorn and the attendant possibility of smaller profits, it put its sewage division up for sale.

Most everybody was happy.

The Senator was happy because he got to look principled and tough even though before this, he always had thought Snoop Doggy Dogg was the beagle owned by Charlie Brown.

Multinational was happy because it got to look “responsible” while protecting its public image and its profits.

Even the Children probably were happy because they got to feel persecuted and miserable, which always makes children happy.

So the Senator goes back to studying his polls; Multinational contemplates what it might learn next time it looks down on Squalor; the Children return to their mayhem.

Meanwhile, the Good People double-bolt their doors, watch the shadows in fear and discover that curbing Snoop Doggy Dogg doesn’t make them feel that much safer.

Perhaps they think of the Parents of the Children and realize that the toughest crusade has yet to be fought or even truly addressed. They look to the Senator and Multinational, but both are busy elsewhere.

Guess who doesn’t live happily ever after?

xxxx