The Lying Game Is A Battle Of The Sexes

A redhead in a gray suit sits down at the bar next to a cute guy. “All men are liars,” she declares with a strange little smile. “They say they love you, but they don’t. They say they love kids, but they forget to mention that they already have two. They tell you that the bandage on their ring finger’s from a fishing accident. Yeah.”

She grabs his drink, takes a gulp and asks him what it is. “Diet Sprite,” he replies.

“Liar!” she snaps, throwing the drink in his face and walking out.

This is the startling new ad for Diet Sprite, which the company says is aimed at “independent” women who “follow their instincts.”

Politicians are pandering to angry men; now, Madison Avenue has started pandering to angry women. Harridans are a market. Soon they’ll be a special interest group.

Barbara Lippert of Adweek writes that commercials are being invaded by “mappies - male-bashing angry professional women (of a certain age),” and she worries that the Diet Sprite spot can only add to the “mess” with angry men. “It’s saying that women are hysterical ravers who can’t take the heat and should get back in the kitchen, where they wouldn’t be disturbing the natural order of things and wouldn’t have these problems to begin with.”

I still was wondering if “mappies” would set back the strenuous efforts of men and women to understand each other when a book arrived in the mail called “101 Lies Men Tell Women” by Dory Hollander, a psychologist.

Reviewing the male hit parade - “I’ll call you,” “I love you,” “You know you’re the only one in my life,” “How could you think I’d be interested in her? She’s your best friend” - Hollander says her data show that “men tend to lie more and with more devastating consequences for the other sex. Women’s lies more often are protective of the other person’s feelings or the relationship, whereas men’s lies tend to be protective of their own freedom and autonomy.”

A survey of my friends, male and female, confirmed that men are more grandiose and less inhibited in their lies.

Here are some of our other wild generalizations:

Women lie about weight, age and appearance, while men lie about achievements, connections and actions. Women think lies should end where love begins, but men see no particular connection between lying and loving. Women lie to ingratiate themselves: “It’s OK - leave ESPN on” or “Of course, I want you to spend time with your friends.” Men lie to avoid confrontations or to make power plays.

Men are superior at boasting (known in literary circles as narrative storytelling). And women are superior at the constant stream of half-lies that soothe social interplay. While usually altruistic, these feminine lies also can reflect malicious glee. (“Wow, I didn’t know culottes were back. And you found some in seersucker!”)

Women speak more honestly about people behind their backs, while men consider such blunt assessments catty or disloyal. While they feel betrayed by men’s lies, women spend a lot of time coaching men to tell them white lies, such as: “Yes, your boss is a jerk” and “No, you are not too fat for those pants.”

But there is some evidence that evolution may take the sexes beyond these grating differences in fibbing styles.

Psychologists reported at the American Psychological Association meeting in New York last week that college women are getting more “masculine” - more assertive, goal-driven and action-oriented - while college men are not getting more “feminine.” And a new University of Virginia study showed that male and female students lie about half the time when they call home and even more often when talking to strangers.

So if women become as brazen about lying as guys are, the sexes finally will understand each other.

Trust me. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ll call you.

xxxx