Gates’ Book Doesn’t Do Windows

Let’s see if we’ve got this straight:

Bill Gates runs a very large software company. Bill Gates’ company creates a software operating system called Windows NT that he says all of us ultimately will be using in our computers. (Windows 95 is just a pit stop, kids.)

Now, Bill Gates comes out with a book called “The Road Ahead.” The book, logically, includes a CD-ROM that, besides giving us a quick tour of the little $30 million shanty he’s building on the shores of Lake Washington, talks about the future.

But this CD-ROM doesn’t work on Windows NT. It’s not compatible. Does anyone besides us here at B&B find a touch of irony in this? Does this mean the “road ahead” is a dead end? Could it be Bill Gates has a sense of humor? (Nah, strike that, we’ve heard him speak.)

Jonathan Lazarus, a vice president with our friends in Redmond, Wash., said the problem was time: They didn’t have enough of it. He said Microsoft had to wait until after the book was completed before writing the software for the CD-ROM, and in the rush to meet the publication deadline, Windows NT fell off the table.

“The thing was done in a lot more of a rush than we would have liked,” Lazarus said. “We made a decision, very simply, that we couldn’t do everything. … We are correcting the problem. We’re probably going to have to provide a new CD to anybody who uses Windows NT, because there are some unhappy people out there.”

Perhaps we should realize that Microsoft and the future are “not compatible.”

“A Current Affair, television’s pre miere news magazine - Quick, can you find the oxymoron? - will take its place in cyberspace this week,” so started the news release.

Oh, great. Now, for those of us who can’t wait for cheesy sensationalism, it’s on the Web. Now, when we need the latest about whether Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley have, well - you know - we can just type in http://www.current-affair.com. And for those of us who just have to hear that patented KACHUNG regularly, it even offers an audio clip.

“We are moving smoothly into the next century,” the show’s executive producer, assures Bob Young. “And as we continue to retool the new ‘A Current Affair,’ the Web site will create an intimate relationship between the show and our audience, which will be truly invaluable.”

How reassuring.