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Tuesday, August 20, 2019  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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Sports

An Evening With Hyperbole Kings

By Tom Hoffarth Los Angeles Daily News

Midway through the third quarter of ABC’s Super Bowl XXZZZzzz telecast…

Al Michaels: And with that recovered fumble in the end zone by Deion Sanders, San Francisco increases its lead to 84-0 over San Diego…

Dan Dierdorf: Al, I think at this point, you can say the 49ers are undeniably not only one of the great teams in NFL history, but one of the supremes in all of team sports. To do this in a championship game … that’s tremendous … unfathomable … who’d have guessed?

Frank Gifford: Pupunu? Cocozzo? Sapolu? Koo-Koo-Roo? Coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs?

Michaels: The extra point is good … 85-0. Gentlemen, if we put this into perspective…

Dierdorf: If I could repeat what I said earlier…

Peter King: That shouldn’t be too tough.

Lynn Swann: Look who’s talkin’, magazine boy…

Brent Musburger: You’re looking liiiiiiive at me trying to get more airtime…

Jim McKay: I liken this to the great Secretariat pulling away down the stretch…

Jack Whitaker: Or as the poet wrote: We part the clouds to see the sun, but here on a planet made of soil and water walks the new king of kings…

Dierdorf: All I was saying…

Gifford: Seau? Say what? Oh say can you see?

Regis Philbin: Please, only one Gifford on the National Anthem per millennium, please…

Chris Schenkel: Are we carrying next week’s Pro Bowl?

Nelson Burton Jr.: I’m a big Pro Bowler fan.

Keith Jackson: When it comes to bowl games, the 49ers are like a greased pig grabbin’ a monkey wrench and torque rod with the barn down open and the smell of rain in the air, right, Bob?

Bob Beattie: Just let me get this parka off…

Bob Griese: He’s talking to me, snowdrift…

Dierdorf: Listen, guys…

Gifford: There’s a guy on the Chargers named Leslie?

Lesley Visser: Like we need any more guys in this booth.

Julie Moran: Wait, camera two, are you getting my good side?

Dick Vitale: Babeeee, we could put nine cameras around you and they’d all get your good side!

Jack Arute: How come I’m not on the sidelines?

Chris Economacki: Because you’re the pits…

Dierdorf: I don’t want to be a baby about this…

Gifford: The baby isn’t mine. And how did Cody get in here?

Peter Jennings: Now for an O.J. Simpson update…

Hank Williams Jr.: Are you ready for some knee scars!

Howard Cosell: This is what is completely wrong with sports - the unethical, barbaric, hypocritical, media-hyped matrimony of TV greed and athletic drama…

Joe Namath: I guarantee you that TV sets are turning out all over America right now.

Sorry, Charley

Brett Murray, a 7-year-old serving as a TNT interviewer, had trouble with his opening line to 49ers defensive end Charles Mann: “Charles Manson…”

Otherwise, The Kid, a member of the Screen Actors’ Guild who won an audition for the reporter job, gave TNT all it wanted. His interviews air today during the NBA game on TNT.

Montana for Chargers

Niners tight end Brent Jones didn’t enjoy reports that Joe Montana would root for San Diego because he is now an AFC player.

“If you ask me, that’s a little weak,” said Jones. “I’ve done nothing but root for Joe and the Chiefs.”

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