Slam A Pitcher At Coors

Colorado pitchers are under the influence of Coors Field, where the Rockies recently scored 10 runs in two games in a row - both losses. “All we can say is, we would rather sail the S.S. Minnow in the America’s Cup than be a pitcher for the Colorado Rockies,” Philadelphia Inquirer writer Jayson Stark cracked, apparently unaware that Dennis Conner had, in fact, sailed the S.S. Minnow in this year’s America’s Cup.

The Dodgers swept a recent three-game series despite giving up 25 runs, 39 hits and six HRs. “I knew something was different about this place,” Dodgers pitcher Tom Candiotti mused, “when they were discussing whether or not to go for the two-point conversion - and went for it.”

Giving birth to a labor dispute

When Phoenix radio station KKFR invited listeners to show up for the birth of Dan Majerle’s first child, the Suns star said enough was enough.

“It’s a little ridiculous when people show up at the hospital,” Majerle said. “The lady’s nine months pregnant, trying to have a baby, and people are yelling, ‘Push, push!”’

Tina Majerle’s due date is May 24, but the couple had opted to induce labor to - get this - make things more convenient during the Suns’ playoff drive.

Majerle said KKFR invited listeners “to come down if they wanted to because she’s having the baby at 10:30 at St. Joseph’s. Go wish her well.”

Now, Majerle said he and his wife have decided to let nature take its course. “When it happens, it happens,” he said.

As long as it isn’t during Game 7. Just wait, baby.

You are where you play

The Greek basketball league managed to play Game 4 of its title series Tuesday, but not without enlisting 5,000 police and riot control officers. The game between Olympiakos Piraeus and Panathinaikos Athens, scheduled for Sunday, was postponed after a fan died from stab wounds incurred following Friday’s game.

Tuesday’s venue? Peace and Friendship Stadium.

Violence and Bloodshed Stadium must have been booked for soccer that day.

Score one for the good guys

When linebacker Darryl Talley left the Buffalo Bills as a free agent recently after 12 seasons, he took out an ad in the Buffalo News saying it had been a privilege to live in the city and play on four Super Bowl teams.

Talley concluded: “Where will we ever find neighbors like this again?” Of the Bills, he said, “To the (Buffalo) organization and to my teammates, what can I say? You were simply the best. On behalf of my family, thanks for the memories. It was my honor.”

Heavenly bodies?

Last week was far from angelicfor the California Angels’ PR department. Manager Marcel Lachemann said pitcher Mark Langston was hampered by a tight calf, but the postgame quote sheet called it “a tight cap.”

Two days later, the team issued a release stating that reliever Mike James had a “strained right neck.”

The last word …

“Drinking American beer is like making love in a boat: It’s close to water.”

- Golfer Nick Faldo