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Can’t heckle with ‘em, can’t heckle without ‘em

A fan is suing the New York Rangers for gender bias, saying she was kicked out of Madison Square Garden for “unfeminine” language during a playoff game.

Stephanie Glazer is asking for $1 million, charging that many other fans were yelling obscenities but she was singled out because she’s a woman. An usher warned her that she could be removed from the arena for using “strong language” and said her conduct was “unfeminine,” the suit alleges.

Several men who watched the confrontation with disbelief “yelled obscenities in a loud and exaggerated manner in an effort to bait the usher into threatening them with removal as well,” court papers said.

As she was being ejected, Glazer claims, a security guard turned to the male spectators in the area, winked and smiled and said, “Guys, no bad language.”

To carry their bats in, of course

With the Cleveland Indians headed for the postseason for the first time since 1954, people are cuckoo along the Cuyahoga. T-shirts and towels are flying off the shelves and tattoo parlors are doing brisk business. But apparently there’s more marketing to be done.

At the Condom Nation Lifestyle Boutique in Cleveland, manager Ron Wilson says he’s getting five to 10 customers a day asking for condoms with the Indians’ Chief Wahoo logo.

Callers looking for playoff tickets are getting creative, too. Indians vice president Bob DiBiasio heard from a woman who said she’d been his babysitter. “I guess she figured since she changed my diapers she deserved World Series tickets,” he said.

A full recovery? He’ll have to play it by ear

A Chargers fan had his ear reattached on Monday, a day after it was bitten off by a demented Raiders fan and spit in his face during a bar fight in San Diego.

Michael Burrows, 45, was released from a San Diego hospital after surgeons rejoined the piece of ear, which measured 2 inches by 1 inch. Police said Burrows and Carl Ditmars, 30, scuffled on the floor at Fat Freddie’s after the Chargers beat Philly.

Ditmars is an avid Raiders fan who “let everyone know about it,” witnesses said. Burrows told Ditmars to wait until the Chargers again played the Raiders, who beat San Diego on Sept. 3. Ditmars couldn’t.

Witnesses followed Ditmars out of the bar and held him for officers.

Would you buy a used car from this team?

Along a busy road lined with car dealerships, the expansion Carolina Panthers erected a billboard to promote ticket sales this summer. It pictures running backs Barry Foster, Derrick Lassic and Randy Baldwin - proclaiming them to be “A New Set of Wheels.”

Problem is, the wheels have fallen off.

Foster practiced little, played little and produced less before being released in August. Lassic was hounded by injuries and cut at the end of camp.

And Baldwin averaged just 2.5 yards per carry in Carolina’s first two games and lost his starting job.

Looks like the Panthers need a new set of retreads.

The last word …

“If it’ll make a few bucks for NFL properties, they’ll put it in Iraq with Saddam at fullback.”

- Jimmy Johnson, on the NFL looking to move the American Bowl from Tokyo

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo