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And that’s no boll

Nicknamed the Boll Weevils, the minor-league baseball team in Piedmont, N.C., has been an easy target. One newspaper described the club as “unbollweevible,” while its stadium is being referred to as the “Cotton Boll.”

They should rent “Boll Durham” when they get a chance.

Howe could he?

Yankees reliever Steve Howe was booed heavily by New York fans when the bullpen gate swung open for his first two home appearances. It surely had something to do with his 6.23 ERA and history of drug use.

But Howe’s had enough. “Yeah, I’m bitter,” he said Thursday, after his first save still drew a few boos. “I’m getting tired of being people’s whipping boy. Everything that’s happened with me, including seven drug suspensions, happened in the past.

“I don’t really care if they resent it or not. I didn’t hurt anybody but my family and myself. But if these people want to judge me for that, if their lives are that miserable that they’ve got to focus on my past, so be it. They’re just miserable human beings.”

We’re sorry, Steve. Really. If you just give us seven or eight more chances, we promise to get it right.

One-Shaq mind

While addressing the NBA postseason, Shaquille O’Neal said all he is concerned about now is jewelry. To which Michael Ventre of the Los Angeles Daily News says: “I’m assuming he’s referring to a gold chain with ‘Shaq’ on it.”

Add Ventre: “Do you think Muggsy Bogues could post up Lil’ Penny?”

Now THAT’S bad

Eric Dennis, athletic director at Robert Morris College of Chicago, was outspoken after the school’s baseball team lost to St. Francis of Illinois 71-1.

“I was shocked and surprised,” Dennis said. “I don’t know how we scored a run.”

Baseball historian

After Kenny Lofton broke the Indians’ career stolen-base record Thursday, the Akron (Ohio) Beacon Journal’s Sheldon Ocker asked him what he knew about the previous record-holder, Terry Turner. “I don’t know,” Lofton said. “Is he Tina’s husband?”

Kenny Lofton? Is he James’ brother?

Tomey’s cabinet

Arizona football coach Dick Tomey has high hopes for new offensive coordinator Homer Smith.

“He’s very cerebral,” Tomey said. “You won’t find many football coaches with degrees from Princeton, Harvard and Stanford. Actually, you won’t find many professors here with degrees from Princeton, Harvard and Stanford.”

Not older than Moses

Kevin Garnett has joined Moses Malone as the only players to jump from high school to the NBA and average in double figures their rookie seasons.

Last week, Garnett played for the first time against Magic Johnson and was asked if he remembered watching Magic as a kid. Said Garnett: “I’m still a kid.”

The last word …

“You could almost set your watch by his itinerary.”

- M’s announcer Rick Rizzs, marveled by traveling secretary Craig Detwiler

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo