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Da-doo-run-run-run, da-doo-run-run
A 26-7 baseball game is nominally called “a laugher,” but after Texas beat Baltimore by that count last week nobody was chuckling much.
It ceased to be fun in the eighth inning, when O’s reliever Armando Benitez left with an elbow injury and Jesse Orosco left because he could not get anyone out. Infielder Billy Ripken lobbied to pitch, but manager Davey Johnson went with Manny Alexander, who gave up four walks and a grand slam.
“I probably should have gone with the crafty Billy Ripken,” Johnson said.
That was all the humor Johnson could manage. He was honked that Mickey Tettleton tagged and went to third base on a deep fly with the score 21-7.
“I’ve seen it all, but guys tagging up from second with an 18-run lead?” Johnson said.
Replied Tettleton, “I also took a 3-1 fastball down the middle with the bases loaded. It’s a no-win situation. If you keep playing, it looks bad. If you stop playing, it looks bad. What do you do?”
Well, the next time you’re at bat, you duck.
Today’s gratuitous shot at Greg Norman…
…Comes from a drunken fan at last weekend’s MCI Classic. On the 18th tee, the fan yelled disparaging remarks that led to a scuffle and an arrest.
“He was arrested, but for being drunk and disorderly, not for anything to do with Greg Norman,” said tournament director Mike Stevens.
According to one witness, the fan yelled something to the effect of: “You choking dog, you cost me money,” referring to Norman’s loss in the Masters after taking a six-stroke lead into the final round.
Several fans said a clearly agitated Norman replied: “Do you have a problem?”
The fan made more insulting remarks, and about 20 yards down the fairway Norman’s caddie, Tony Navarro, grabbed the fan by the shoulders and pushed him to the ground.
“It’s sad to see something like that,” said Norman’s playing partner Charlie Rymer. “This isn’t hockey.”
Yeah. Nobody blows a six-goal lead in hockey.
Do you see a trend here?
Columnist Michael Ventre of the Los Angeles Daily News does:
“Disney releases a movie called ‘The Mighty Ducks.’ Soon after, it owns an NHL expansion team called the Mighty Ducks. Disney releases a movie called ‘Angels in the Outfield’ and now it buys the Angels. All I know is that when the next big Disney offering, ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame,’ comes out, don’t be surprised if you see Lou Holtz walking the sidelines stooped over.”
His oil doesn’t quite reach his dipstick
Back by popular demand, more beauties from BBC Formula One commentator Murray Walker:
- “Mansell is slowing down, taking it easy. Oh, no he isn’t. It’s a lap record!”
- “Michael Andretti’s hopes, which were nil before, are absolutely zero now.”
- “It’s not quite a curve; it’s a straight, actually.”
- “He’s lost both right front tires.”
The last word …
“It was a cross between a changeup and a screwball. It was a screwup.”
- Chicago left-hander Bob Patterson on what Barry Larkin of Cincinnati hit for a game-winning home run
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo