Cheap Seats

Today’s gratuitous shot at Greg Norman

At the UIT Atlanta World Cup shooting championships Tuesday, Australian trap shooter Michael Diamond lost in a shootoff when he failed to release the safety on his gun, resulting in a missed target.

Just call him the Great White Shot.

Has he sued the Bell(e) peppers people yet?

Cleveland’s good humor man, Albert Belle, doesn’t just have it in for photographers. A $99.99 hamburger named for the Indians slugger - and meant as a gag, not to gag - has disappeared from the menu at a suburban Brecksville eatery faster than a high fastball.

Restaurateur Eddie Cerino added the Albert Belle Greedy Burger to poke fun at Belle’s reported rejection of a $37.5 million contract offer from the Indians. The menu described the 7-ounce burger as having every topping, “which still isn’t enough,” and added the warning: “No substitutions for loyalty to the fans or the city of Cleveland.”

Belle called to complain three days later.

“He said, ‘I understand that you’re using my name on your menu without my permission,”’ Cerino said. “I told him that I knew I shouldn’t have done it but I was upset because he was leaving town.”

Belle, a free agent at the end of the season, assured Cerino that no decision had been made.

“Sometimes you can’t believe everything you hear on the radio or read in the paper,” Belle responded, according to Cerino. “The only things you can believe are things you hear from my mouth.”

As when you cuss out Hannah Storm because you think she’s Lesley Visser, eh, Albert?

There’s always the library

Mike Tyson has been ordered to stay out of bars and strip clubs after a woman claimed the boxer assaulted her in a Chicago nightclub.

On probation after serving a prison sentence for rape, Tyson has disputed these latest events, in which the woman said he fondled her and “suckled” her face. The new restrictions are intended to keep Tyson out of trouble.

“In other words,” said George Walker, chief probation officer for Marion Superior Court, “he couldn’t figure it out before.”

And to think he figured out Mao and Malcolm X and all those authors he read in prison.

Measure this

St. Louis Blues coach and general manager Mike Keenan has lodged a complaint with the league about the length of the team benches at Detroit’s Joe Louis Arena. Keenan claims the home bench is 45 inches longer than the visitor’s bench, creating an unfair advantage for the Red Wings on line changes.

There’s always Masters track

Chi Chi Rodriguez can’t explain his recent problems on the PGA Senior tour. He said he feels better than ever, having quit smoking a year ago. “I can run nine holes,” he said. “I just can’t play them.”

The last word …

“Olympic boxing judges make the celebrity jury at the NBA slam-dunk contest look like the U.S. Supreme Court.”

- San Francisco Chronicle columnist Scott Ostler

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo