Everything She Needs To Know, She Never Learned
So what have the past two decades taught Paula Poundstone? Plenty, the comedian and regular Mother Jones columnist wrote in honor of the magazine’s 20th anniversary.
For example: “If one person asks you for water, you may as well bring it to the whole table, or they’ll ask one at a time and slowly suck the life out of you (this lesson was taught to me by Patsy, who trained me to work the graveyard shift at the International House of Pancakes in Orlando, Florida).”
Among her other insights:
“British people use those accents all the time.”
“Some people look good in anything; I am not at all like some people.”
“‘Rotate the tires’ means moving them to different wheels.”
Loose talk
k.d. lang, on her image (in a Bravo cable network interview): “Like they say, I’m the Tom Jones of lesbians.”
Her career always seemed to run hot and cold
Farrah Fawcett turns 49 today.
It was just another one of those friends of hers
Standup-comic-cum-sitcom-star Ellen DeGeneres, tabbed to host the Grammy Awards, was spotted by The New York Daily News “soul kissing” an enthusiastic fan at a Manhattan bar. What the News failed to report, points out New York magazine, is that the fan was a woman.
Not that it’s going to be easy to hide her assets
Uberbimbo Anna Nicole Smith has filed for bankruptcy protection to buy time as she both battles an $850,000 judgment won by a former nanny who accused Smith of sexual harassment, and pursues a lawsuit against the family of her late oil tycoon husband J. Howard Marshall seeking a share of his $500 million estate.
Guess it’s time to leave that sheltered life behind
Sounds like it’s really over between actor Richard Gere and supermodel Cindy Crawford. Gere sold the former couple’s Malibu home out from under her, for a reported $2.2 million.
But what does she know about getting attention?
LaToya Jackson made her debut as a runway model in a Rome fashion show, decked out in a blond wig, sequined white gown and silver stiletto heels, with a similarly dressed Barbie doll stuck in her hair. As for brother Michael Jackson’s marital misadventure, she told Maury Povich: “There was a lot of attention focused on the allegations of him and the little boys, and he had to throw the attention.”
Like, why don’t you go pick on the Partridges, pal?
Meanwhile, Michael’s other sister, Janet Jackson, told Black Entertainment Television’s Ed Gordon (of O.J. Simpson interview fame) that her brother is “an amazing individual” and attacked the media for portraying them as “the most dysfunctional family in America or around the world, as if no other family has problems.”
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 color photos
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino