Cheap Seats
It’s soccer, and you’re an American
U.S. soccer coach Bruce Arena wasn’t exactly thrilled about the less-than-advantageous draw for the American men in this summer’s Olympic Games.
“Only in America could you have stuff like this,” he told Soccer America magazine. “We’re too stupid to fix a draw. We’re nice Americans. We don’t cheat. Soccer is the biggest cheating sport in the world, and we still haven’t learned how to cheat, on or off the field. In what other country would the home team get a draw like that?”
Uh, Bruce, about that cushy spokesman-for-soccer job you were expecting when the coaching gig is over…
On the other hand, the Brits could be dumber
Along with bloopers and other videos worth skipping is a 60-minute tape called “Hooligan 96” showing footage of fan violence at English soccer games.
It ain’t over ‘til it’s tied
Yogi Berra: from home plate to fashion plate?
As if you don’t have enough trouble deciding what to wear in the morning, the former New York Yankees catcher and manager unveiled a line of Yogi Berra neckties at Nicole Miller’s trendy Madison Avenue store recently.
“My sons are really the ones involved with it,” Berra said.
Larry, Tim and Dale Berra have formed LTD Enterprises to sell Yogi Berra clothing (apparel targeted for guys who look like 25 bowling balls in a gunny sack, perhaps?). The ties feature many celebrated Yogisms, such as: “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over,” “Nobody goes there anymore, it’s too crowded” and “When you get to the fork in the road, take it.”
Yogi, nobody wears ties anymore - they’re too popular.
Good question, Pat - you should be on TV
Pat O’Brien of CBS emceed the Southern California Sports Broadcasters Association awards luncheon last week and recalled his first television interview with Michael Jordan, just before a Chicago Bulls playoff game.
“I said, ‘So, Michael, can one man defeat the Lakers in this series?”’ O’Brien recalled.
“To which Jordan replied, ‘No, because we’re playing the Celtics tonight, Pat.”’
You’re looking at country
He wears a farm implement cap to practice, and it’s not a pose. Jazz coach Jerry Sloan is just a country boy in the big city - well, Salt Lake City. Bobbie Sloan says her husband’s best friends, who work his 900-acre Illinois farm, are named Danny, Spud and Snooks and “don’t have a full set of teeth among them.”
There was a Kruked man…
The huge salaries commanded by top baseball players were not enough to keep John Kruk in the sport.
“It wasn’t fun anymore,” said Kruk, who retired last year. “I know there are a lot of guys who do stick around for the money and they don’t enjoy it. I’m not going to be miserable for any price. I’d rather be doing something I enjoy. The game wasn’t fun anymore. Too many people were too friendly, and too happy.”
Kruk’s comments were made in Charleston, W.Va., where he threw out the ceremonial first pitch of the state high school tournament.
Which beaned the ceremonial first batter.
The last word …
“This November, ABC will project a winner of the presidential election at 4 p.m. PST. I hope they use their Kentucky Derby predictors, who couldn’t pick an orange in Florida.”
- Nick Canepa, San Diego Union-Tribune
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo