Campaign Needs To Be Debriefed

Deciding which way to swing my presidential ballot shouldn’t be too tough this election year now that I’ve come up with a formula. I’m keeping track of which candidate runs the dirtiest campaign and the loser, the one with the smallest ring of muck around his mouth, gets my vote.

Every four years, voters are reminded of how little the political intelligentsia thinks of us. We are bombarded with trivia (Bob Dole wears baggy undershorts) as well as outright trash (prime-time television coverage of alleged Clinton bimbo, Paula Jones, smacking a wad of Dentyne and sashaying in or out of yet another courtroom).

Americans surely can’t be as witless as the politicians think we are and we’re tired of being treated like a herd of senseless sheep who matter only in election years. Particularly when the rest of the time we’re expected to stand benignly in the chute waiting to be led to the slaughter - either literally or financially.

And we’re tired of hearing about war records. We know that Dole has one and Clinton has not. We know Dole was wounded while serving his country and that Clinton’s only war wounds would have to be the result of political infighting - but enough already!

We’re tired of being asked the rhetorical question: How can we have a commander in chief who was never in the military?> We don’t know! But neither do we know why there are child-care experts who’ve never had children or gurus of education who’ve never been teachers.

Neither pointed barbs about Clinton’s lack of a war record nor constant reminders of Dole’s noble sacrifices will swing my vote.

Issues have got to be the issue here.

Voters are tired of the politicians assuming we believe what they’re saying. It’s been a long time since we’ve been that stupid. When we want fairy tales we look to the brothers Grimm or more recently, Jesse Helms.

We’re smart enough to know that what comes from the mouths of political candidates is little more than drippings from the pens of high-priced speech writers with little basis in fact.

As far as political trainers and handlers are concerned, a candidate with an original idea is the equivalent of a loose cannon in a political campaign and will be treated as such. If he won’t be lashed into place, he will be unceremoniously dumped overboard.

Too bad for the sharks.

Voters are well aware that they’re between a rock and a hard place come November. If we believe what the in-house pundits tell us, we are faced with a choice between one candidate who lacks morals and another who lacks imagination. Both deadly shortcomings as far as I’m concerned.

Come November, I, like too many other disillusioned voters, will approach the polls once again faced with the odious task of voting for the lesser of two evils, when all we’re looking for is one good man to run the show.

And if neither of these guys can measure up, then we need to find somebody else, because it’s high time the power-brokers realize the American voter is not interested in the size, style or even the condition of the candidate’s underwear.

What we’re hoping for is a little of the stuff it takes to be a leader of men.

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