Five Questions For Bart Simpson

If summer had a trademark it would likely be the face of Bart Simpson: he epitomizes the ethos of inertia and that endless angling to shirk work for play. We decided to ask the dimensionally challenged standard-bearer of summer a few questions about the season.

1. Any plans for the summer, besides trying not to get arrested?

Bart: Get one of those “Mission: Impossible” rope things, then drop down into Carvel for a little “Mission: Free Cookiepuss.”

2. If you could be a live-action person, who would it be?

Bart: That freaky tall guy who used to live in the olden days. So when Mrs. Krabapple puts my slingshot on top of the bookshelf… well you figure it out, Einstein.

3. How does it feel to have your face on T-shirts worn by so many unattractive people?

Bart: You know what, if I can make one dorky looking nerd look even the slightest bit cooler, then it’s worth it.

4. If you actually got hold of a nuclear weapon, what would you do with it?

Bart: Second stall, third floor bathrooms, Springfield Elementary.

5. What does it say under your picture in your school yearbook?

Bart: Short white male seeks somewhat stupid, very wealthy kid to spend long summer of movies, water rides and fireworks. Must have access to credit card - Moped a plus.