You’re Getting Somewhere When A Child Says, ‘Don’t Go’

When my children were growing up in the Midwest each small town had its own day. Frog-jumping Days, HayDays, Kolachi Days, Czech Days, Roller Derby Days.

Two things about these days in the Midwest. One, each was sponsored by a town about the size of a Spokane neighborhood. And two, each celebration had a strong emphasis on children.

There was no passing someone without a greeting or a wave in these towns.

Knowing people was a great thing because, in a sense, everyone looked out for everyone else. There were at least three or four children in the average family, and they all knew that more adults than just their parents were watching them and watching out for them.

Spokane’s recent West Central Neighborhood Days Festival made me nostalgic for those pleasant days. It was called, appropriately, “Our Children’s World” and was sponsored by the West Central Neighborhood Coalition.

What a wonderful time for kids to know other children and other parents and have fun doing it. A children’s sidewalk parade, carnival, live music, food - wow!

I do not live in the West Central Neighborhood, but I am watching out for the children there. I go there to give a neighborly hand to struggling parents who are trying to make ends meet. I help their children make correct choices in life so they can grow up to be decent, happy adults.

I volunteer at the West Central Community Center during the school year. I am there about 3 p.m., waiting for 40 to 50 elementary school children to come in, make noise and run around the gymnasium.

Eventually they settle down, interact with friends, play games, jump rope or bounce a ball. They range in age from 5 to 11. After an hour or so parents come from work to pick them up.

Meanwhile, I try to impart to the children the kind of values for life that were so easily imparted to children in those small Midwestern towns.

I use what resources are available. For example, a ball, especially a large one, is an excellent plaything. Tossing a ball to a child you haven’t met before, and having him throw it back to you, can start an instant relationship.

You can cause laughter, you can teach and learn, challenge, bring out the best in someone, give attention, have fun, exercise, socialize, increase confidence, compete to win and be creative.

A child who is shy or has nobody to play with always earns a toss of a ball and an invitation to play.

I also like the rebel type, the kid who says no to everything. I might put him in charge of a ball-tossing contest and praise him for his great job and watch him shine.

I’d like to think that my contribution will have a lifelong impact on these small people. It is not aiming for now, but for their future.

Responsibility, forgiveness, respect, patience are objectives for a better life.

When a boy deliberately steps on a cookie, it is not adequate to say, “Boys will be boys.” He should be expected to apologize and clean up his mess.

If two girls call each other names because one bumped into the other, they should be expected to tell each other, “I’m sorry.”

If a boy meets an adult and calls him “goofy,” he should realize he won’t be allowed to play unless he shows more respect.

If a boy wants to bend your finger the wrong way because you didn’t throw the ball to him, he needs to know that finger-bending each time he doesn’t get his way will ruin his life.

Children are noted for wanting instant fulfillment. They can’t wait to have something or for something to happen.

I selected two girls and two boys who fell in this impatient category and gave them each three M&Ms. They could eat their candy right away or wait five minutes and get five more M&Ms. Even the 5-year-old boy who kept smelling his three candies and practically drooling on them, waited the full five minutes.

A 6-year-old girl had bumped her chin and was looking a bit forlorn.

“I have a song for you,” I told her and sang a song with her name in it. She was so surprised. She saw my coat hanging at the far end of the gym and, wouldn’t you know it, the sweet thing brought me my coat - and I never asked her to do it.

Over time I created some poster-sized cards for the children to take to their parents. Each child wrote his or her name under the message: “To My Dear Parent(s): Thank you for loving me.”

I read original “dog” stories to them and played nursery rhymes and played with my own board game, The Inkk Sane Skool Game, in which reading, cooperation, planning and perceptual skills are needed to succeed in school.

Rick Harris, the activities director, and I would observe improvements in the children and single them out for recognition. Children with leadership qualities received citations.

I have learned that children are usually willing to let you be part of their lives. If a child likes you and trusts you, it is easier for her to listen to you. If you can show her a right way, she will use that way, knowing that it came from someone she liked and trusted. It can stick with her a whole lifetime.

An adult shows appreciation by saying, “thank you.” A child does so by saying, “don’t go.”

MEMO: Street Level is a regular feature of the Roundtable page. Phil Stack is a member of The Spokesman-Review’s Board of Contributors.