Setting The Record Straight

Wed., May 1, 1996

Marsha Stoeser Special To Opinion

‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The “Serenity Prayer” is the first thing said at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

My sister, Lillian, was an alcoholic. On Jan. 22, she was shot and killed by officers responding to a domestic violence call at her home.

None of us in her family ever will forget that day. We don’t hold any animosity toward the officers. We feel alcohol is to blame.

Some of the things said about Lilly after the shooting just weren’t true. My brother and I decided to set the record straight.

We want people to know that Lilly did have a conscience, a sense of right and wrong. But she wasn’t perfect either. None of us is.

Lilly was a loving daughter, a sister, a mother, a grandmother and a wife. Lilly had been fighting alcoholism for 25 years.

With our family history, drinking is like playing Russian roulette. We know now that alcoholism is hereditary. I wish we had known that back when Lilly was 14 and started drinking, but it probably wouldn’t have made a difference.

It wasn’t Lilly’s nature to hurt, but if you know an alcoholic, you know alcoholism can change a person into someone you can’t handle.

We loved Lilly and tried to be supportive - when she would let us. We know too well the damage alcohol can cause. It took our sister 24 hours a day to live “one day at a time.”

My heart goes out to those families and individuals who are in turmoil. We can’t know what an alcoholic is going through, no matter how much we try. Lilly talked about the physical and mental pain she was in, and more than once, she tried to end that pain.

But in spite of everything, family ties meant the world to her. When I see her daughter and granddaughter, I will see her. I will always think of the way she’d close her eyes and smile when I did something silly, as well as the soft feel of her hands.

We loved Lilly more than she’ll ever know and we’ll miss her. I’m sorry I never told her all the things I wanted to say. I hope that because of this article, it won’t be too late for others and they won’t have to be sorry.

MEMO: “Your turn” is a feature of the Wednesday and Saturday Opinion pages. To submit a “Your turn” column for consideration, contact Rebecca Nappi at 459-5496 or Doug Floyd at 459-5466 or write “Your turn,” The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane 99210-1615.

“Your turn” is a feature of the Wednesday and Saturday Opinion pages. To submit a “Your turn” column for consideration, contact Rebecca Nappi at 459-5496 or Doug Floyd at 459-5466 or write “Your turn,” The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane 99210-1615.

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