The Hot Seat A Weekly Look At People In The News

Sun., May 5, 1996

These terrorists really know how to hurt a guy

There was a particularly nasty bombing in the area this week that went largely unreported. Probably because it happened in the Valley. Some radical wannabes, who really know how to hurt a guy, blew up a portable toliet near a construction site. ATF official Bob Harper said there were no injuries from the blast. However, we’re betting there was a line of distressed-looking construction workers in the morning who would disagree.

Hey, Flat-face! Been to Montana lately?

Now we know why the FBI hasn’t rousted the Freemen. According to Bo Gritz, the Freemen believe that “Yahweh has placed an invisible barrier around their sanctuary that no enemies can penetrate.” So, if the FBI tried to storm the place they’d hit the Yahweh shield and we’d end up with a bunch of flat-faced Feds. That’s no good. The only solution is to let the Freemen have the hearing they have requested, before a tribunal of their peers. So we suggest the FBI quickly round up 23 jack… er, donkeys and begin the trial immediately.

These guys are no Playboys

Hurry, U.S. Rep. Bob Dornan, hurry. They’re selling Playboys and (gasp!) Playgirls, on military bases. It’s been going on for years but now some New Jersey housewife has declared it immoral. We just can’t have that. Pass a bill, quick. Make the servicewomen and men walk off the base to a convenience store to buy their magazines. Quick, time’s-a-wastin’. Forget that these soldiers pledged to give their lives to protect the Constitution, which happens to include that freedom-of-expression thing. Forget the fact that they probably sell condoms, too. Hurry, Bob, the Revolution needs a jump start. , DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 3 Photos

MEMO: The Hot Seat is an irreverent look at controversial issues in the news. The views expressed are those of the writer. Today’s Hot Seat was written by Scott Sines.

The Hot Seat is an irreverent look at controversial issues in the news. The views expressed are those of the writer. Today’s Hot Seat was written by Scott Sines.