A Mother’s Advice For College-Bound Son

Dear graduate of the class of ‘96:

Mothers never quit mothering, no matter how old their children. Humorist Erma Bombeck once mused that if her son won the Nobel Prize, she’d probably remind him as he walked up to receive his award, “Say ‘thank you’!”

So forgive me. I can’t resist a little more coaching as you walk across the stage to “commence” the next phase of your life - college. I know you think you already know it all. Well, you’d better buckle your seat belt, Hon - the learning curve gets steeper.

Here are a few more tips from someone who’s mighty proud of your progress so far:

Read as much as you can these next few years.

Time was when college students went around with copies of Hemingway, Fitzgerald and Salinger to enjoy in their spare time - instead of watching MTV and ESPN. Taking English literature courses forces you to read “Moby Dick” and “Middlemarch” and “Richard III.” You’ll remember some of those characters long after you’ve forgotten names in your senior class.

Ditto for history. Take as much as you can.

History teaches you where the Greeks, the Romans, the Romanovs, the Pahlavis went wrong and how the Hapsburgs and the Iroquois lost ground. Read about Winston Churchill and George Washington to learn how great men rise to the moment. You’ll understand centuries of hatred in the Balkans if you read Rebecca West’s classic “Black Lamb, Gray Falcon.” You’ll understand Chinese pride better if you learn that they had superheroes such as Yu the Great in 2,200 B.C.

Sit in the front row.

That way, you have to be on time and pay attention. Your professor will remember you more favorably.

Don’t rush to live in an apartment.

You must experience the wackiness of dorm life to appreciate the human zoo. You’ll have plenty of time later for apartments with ugly shag carpeting.

No matter what major you choose, take a foreign language and some art.

True, English has become the global business language and the Internet reinforces that. But your generation will be linked to other countries much more than mine; you should have an appreciation of their cultures. Art introduces you to the soaring architecture of Le Corbusier, the delicate modeling of Michelangelo’s David, pre-Columbian sculpture and pre-Picasso masks from Cameroon. Forever after, you will see the world differently.

Don’t schedule classes at 8 a.m. You’ll never make them.

But don’t sleep past 10 a.m. Most of the world is not on a midday schedule. You’ll miss a lot if you sleep in, and it’s harder to adjust later.

Enjoy those football weekends - you are this young and carefree only once.

But study before you play, not the other way around.

Don’t be intimidated by your professors; go in and ask for help before it’s too late.

You may find the professor is an OK person who drives a beat-up Toyota, supports two children and wishes someone would care about what he’s saying.

College is a time to test boundaries and define limits, but do not mistake overdrinking with being macho or grown-up.

Many who once prided themselves on how much they could “hold” are alcoholics today.

Please don’t treat women as if they were game trophies or disposable commodities.

You will begin forming deeper relationships with young women now. The only way to treat another human being is with respect and honesty. Keep an eye out for girls who can be modern - and still be ladies.

Have the courage to be an individual.

There’s always pressure to conform. Find your own way.

Don’t borrow clothes. Or money. Or cars.

Don’t take courses just because someone swears they are a “snap.”

If the “easy” professor or tests change, you’ll be stuck. Besides, if it’s truly mindless stuff, you’ll be wasting your time.

Enjoy this opportunity to “think deep” with Kant, Hume, Rousseau, Locke, Milton, Dante, Donne.

Make the most of these years, and you will have a well-stocked mind. I don’t mean just memorizing stuff. You will be better-served in life if you learn to read between the lines.

And if all this doesn’t sound wise yet, as mothers say in east Texas, “Bubba, I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”

May God watch over you, young man. Phone home - even when you don’t need money. There are people who love you very much who’ll want to hear all about your new world.

xxxx