Cheap Seats
My oh my
Mariners play-by-play announcer Dave Niehaus missed two games after chest pains prompted doctors to perform an angioplasty last week. Back on the field before a game Friday night, he got a big baseball welcome from Ken Griffey Jr.
“Tell me, Dave, was this a publicity stunt?” Griffey asked.
“No, it wasn’t, Junior,” Niehaus replied seriously.
Now, if he’d had a heart attack while pretending to run for president with a moose for a running mate …
Headed for the doghouse
You may recall that White Sox shortstop Ozzie Guillen was incensed about Romance Night at Comiskey Park earlier this season, when couples engaged in a game-long kissing contest.
But Guillen liked Dog Day last Wednesday, when fans were allowed to bring their dogs - and 350 mutts showed.
“A dog is always your friend,” Guillen said. “They never complain. Your wife and your kids, they do that a lot. They can give you a lot of headaches. My dog never gives me a headache. Dogs wiggle their tails. They’re always glad to see you. Sometimes my family doesn’t want to see me.”
Hard to believe, Oz - a born romantic like you.
But he could star in a Fellini movie
Kevin Ashcraft has a head too big for football and it has nothing to do with ego.
The Raytown (Mo.) South high school player’s head swelled to size 8-3/8 over the summer, and his coaches are having a hard time finding a helmet to fit him.
“People are amazed over how big of a head I have,” said Ashcraft, a 6-foot-4, 335-pound lineman who has played seven varsity downs for the suburban Kansas City school. “Maybe it’s drinking milk. Maybe that explains my 3.4 GPA.”
In any case, his head no longer fits the helmet he had reconditioned each year since junior high. The nation’s two helmet manufacturers, Riddell and AHI, couldn’t accommodate him. Next, the school went to the Kansas City Chiefs for help, but even defensive tackle Neil Smith wears only a size 8. Chiefs equipment manager Mike Davidson sent an Internet message to all 29 of his NFL colleagues asking for help, but no sufficiently spacious helmets turned up.
The Cowboys apparently always let the air out of Michael Irvin’s head before fitting him with a helmet.
The old-age shakes
The theory is, maturity helps you deal with stress. But that’s not necessarily the case at the qualifying school for the Senior PGA Tour.
“The pressure is so intense you can’t cut it with a chain saw,” said Rick Acton, the Redmond pro who earned his Senior Tour card through the Q school.
“There were some guys who couldn’t breathe. I played with one guy - a wonderful player who made it - and he couldn’t tee up his ball on 18 on the last day. His hand was shaking so bad, he could not get his fingers out without knocking the ball off. He finally used a 3-wood and hit the ball off the ground.”
The last word …
“If we don’t know what we’re doing, they can’t know what we’re doing.”
- University of Minnesota football coach Jim Wacker, on why the Gophers’ new defense should confuse opponents.
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo