The Face That Launched A Thousand (Rejection) Slips There’s No Glossing Over The Fact That Doug Clark Has The Perfect Face - To Be A Writer

I realize my dreams of becoming the next Fabio are kaput when a haughty black-garbed modeling talent scout won’t take my glossy publicity photo.

“You’d probably better keep it,” sniffs the man, a prissy 20-something twit who pushes my photograph back with a patronizing wink.

A few minutes later, my name is called along with a couple of hundred other rejects who politely are banished from Spokane’s Crescent Court ballroom.

Slinking for the door, I think of staging a protest on behalf of ugly rights. Unfortunately, we losers are too busy wishing we had paper bags to jam down over our heads.

“Not being picked is a little bit of an ego-squisher,” Jeremy, 18, tells me out in the hall.

About 400 of us - age 3 through middle age - came here because of advertisements by New York Model Contracts, which blew into town the other night supposedly to discover the next Cindy Crawford or Richard Gere.

The company is not a modeling agency but a headhunting outfit. It claims to mine these mass cattle-call sessions for beautiful, fresh faces and then later introduce its discoveries to big-time agents.

Everyone attending one of these free sessions gets about 30 seconds to chat with a bored New York Model Contracts representative who evaluates your modeling potential.

You then either get the bum’s rush, like me, or are invited to stay for the exciting sales pitch. By my unscientific count, about half of us mugs got the boot.

“I’m not here to be charming,” Leslie Paige, director of scouting, explains to the rejects. “There are very few I can help.”

If you believe the company’s recorded hype when you dial its 1-800 number, New York Model Contracts is responsible for a platoon of success stories such as the current Guess jeans girl.

Maybe the next discovery will be Valerie Steighner, 11, of Deer Park. Valerie, an irresistible cutie who made the cut, thinks my rejection is the most hilarious thing since Silly Putty. “They could just show your legs in a commercial,” she says, giggling at my dubious modeling prospects.

There are a lot of pretty kids like Valerie in the ballroom. Kids with dreams of being famous and rich.

But some of them, like Marie Bodnar, 17, have substantially lower goals. “I just want my name in the newspaper,” she says. “I want to cut it out and stick it in my scrapbook.”

See? Fairy tales can come true.

There also are plenty of rancid parents who see dollar signs twinkling in the eyes of their little ones. “I don’t wanna gooooo,” wails a 4-year-old girl who wants no part of the talent scout interview.

“You get up here RIGHT NOW!” growls manic mamma, twisting her tyke’s arm and marching her to the interview line.

Maybe an occasional star is born out of these sessions. But what about the rest?

They waste a lot of money on pipe dreams, says Patty Cromeenes, owner of Spokane’s Drezden International Modeling Agency.

A former model, Cromeenes calls companies like New York Model Contracts “transient businesses” that prey on impressionable, naive kids.

Those who don’t get the heave-ho are invited to attend an upcoming convention in Seattle. Registration is $295, plus $75 for a parent or guest.

That’s the beginning, says Cromeenes, adding that would-be models are encouraged to buy photo sessions and attend more conventions.

“Becoming a model doesn’t happen overnight,” she says. “They all want to be stars, but only 2 percent of the population is built to be a model.”

Of course, it would be only fair to hear the New York Model Contracts side of all this. “We don’t give interviews,” says one of the talent scouts through his nose when I ask for a comment.

These snooty clods obviously don’t know much about the importance of cultivating good press relations.

And by the way my publicity photo was snubbed, they obviously don’t know a true supermodel when he stares them in the face.

Anderson spottings

Unconfirmed reports still pour in that missing-in-action Spokane Councilman Chris Anderson was spied at City Hall on Sunday.

The man described, however, sounds too tanned and fit to be the pudgy, pale pantywaist who used to show up for council meetings.

, DataTimes