Dancing A Dream Dancer Shares Diary From Whirlwind New York Summer

June 23

Today I arrived at the School of American Ballet. I am so freaked out! My placement class is tomorrow at 11 a.m. Then I find out what class I’m in and then I have a class that afternoon.

I am so nervous for placement class. About two minutes after the class, you get a slip telling you which class you’re in. Then you go take class. I feel really sick and scared!!! But I am extremely excited also. I hope it all goes well.

We have bunk beds (really bad) and in our suite there are three bathrooms, two showers. There are eight of us. We’re on Floor 20. Studios are on 5 and the cafeteria is 3. City Ballet is on Floor 8. How I wish to push that button!!

June 24

Last night I went to bed at 10 p.m. My curfew on weekdays is 9 p.m.; Friday and Saturday nights it’s 10 p.m. My roommate (Ellen) and I woke up at 7 a.m. We got ready and met two of our other suite mates in our commons and went to the cafeteria at 8 a.m. We left there at 8:30 and went to the studios.

Placement was alphabetical. Ellen had hers at 10, mine was at 11. They started at 9:30 with the boys. There are about a million of them. (That will be great for when we dance with partners!) Most of the girls in my session were put in Level 4 or 5. Only one or two were put in Level 6. I am in Level 6 and that is the highest level. I think I’m the youngest in the class.

All of our classes are on pointe (shoes). The class was so different from ANYTHING we’re used to. I’m keeping notes from every class. I have learned so much from one class already! Most every one here is really nice, but it’s still weird. I’m still nervous and I think it showed in Pilarre’s class.

Tomorrow I go see “Grease.” And I’m going with Ellen to the Met’s box office to get tickets for the Paris Opera Ballet’s performance of La Bayadere. We’re getting them at the Family Circle rate of $25. They can cost up to $1,000! We’re also going to get tickets to New York City Ballet’s Saturday performance of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Oh, the girls here are so skinny, flat chested and have legs up to my eyebrows! I feel so intimidated in that way. All around, perfect bodies, perfect feet, perfect legs, etc. I just hope the teachers will wind up liking me. In fact, I pray they will.

I am already a sponge, soaking up everything I can, listening to every word and watching everything I can. I am working so hard but I’m so nervous I sort of lose my mind. I hope after the first week I’ll be better and not so scared.

June 26

Today was awesome!!! First, we had technique with Suki. She is fantastic; she always has so much energy. She gave a great class and she liked me and worked with me.

Then we had partnering class with Krammie (short for Kramarevsky). It was so much fun - there were more guys than girls! I danced with a ton of guys, so now I’ve made some new friends. They are all very nice and polite. They will come and ASK you if you would like to dance with them, then partner you perfectly (!) and afterwards, they THANK YOU!

They are all tall, very good dancers and strong. On promenades, you’re never off balance and pirouettes - they get you to do five, 6 or more. It’s unbelievable!

June 27

In Pilarre’s class, she asked me my name and now she really knows it. She singled me out twice in class - for good corrections both times. She said I was doing well. I think she likes me now. I’m a lot more comfortable here now and I really love it here.

June 28

Today I had both classes with Suki. She is so wonderful! I love her. In both classes she noticed me and worked with me. In pointe, she worked with me longer - about five minutes - by myself! I think I’m doing much better.

Tomorrow I am sleeping in and then going shopping all day. Right now I am so tired. I can’t believe the first week is over already. That is so depressing.

June 29

I found out what happens at the end of the five weeks. It seems they keep tabs on you the whole time and chart your dancing. At the end, you can ask for your evaluation. They read you your paper: You did good, have a nice year; You sucked, go home.

I heard they actually say stuff like that that to kids, like “You sucked. Go home.” But that’s also the time that, if they like you, they ask you to stay for the school year. I think that happens the day before we leave. July 25.In a magazine, the horoscope said one of my best/luckiest days would be July 25. I hope it’s right.

July 2

In Suki’s class, we finished the Appollo variation and started the variation from La Source. I got some attention from her today and that made me happy! I’m working my butt off and I get so tired. I stayed in the suite all evening. I want to feel rested; tomorrow we have Suki and then partnering!! I am so excited I could burst! I love it here.

July 8

Today I had two really good classes. Pilarre gave me a lot of attention and I worked really, really hard. After a full day of it, it feels so great on your body to feel completely exhausted.

She told me I was doing well a couple of times and gave me many corrections. Telling me I did well is a real compliment here at the school, because usually they just correct.

I hope I’m improving and getting better in their eyes also. I still miss home.

July 9

Today I had two excellent classes. Now that’s two days in a row!

July 10

Today I had two great classes again! I did quite well in Suki’s class this morning. I had so much fun in Krammie’s class. I partnered with a lot of guys; mostly Cameron. He’s really nice and really tall!

We did one of Krammie’s combos that was like 10 minutes long and NO ONE knew what they were doing. We kept doing it, all arms and things like that. We were laughing hysterically during it.

July 11

This has been a great week for me so far. Today in Tumie’s (Tumkovsky’s) class, I did very well. She never corrects anybody or has them do things for her in class. Today she had me do two things for her! She told me “Good!” This is good because it means she noticed me more than just one time; I’m pretty sure she likes me.

In Pilarre’s class, I did very well, too. Suki came in and watched and conversed with Pilarre. She left and came back later. The two of them had their heads together when I was dancing and she looked up and said “Very Good, Mikaela!” I hope all of this is helping me. I want to stay so bad! I love it here.

July 15

Today I again had two excellent classes. Pilarre corrected me on an extension. When I got it right, she stepped back and with emphasis said “Very good Mikaela!” In morning class, Suki and Kay Mazzo watched with heads together, pointing and talking. I thought they MAY have been talking about me, but I COULD be wrong. I want to get asked so bad, but I don’t think it will happen. But I work my butt off and pray every night.

One of my suite mates, Elly - who is 15 and in level 5, twisted her ankle badly and went to the hospital. It is a hairline fracture and looks horrible!! She can’t dance for at least six weeks! I would be devastated if that happened to me. Knock on wood.

And Spencer left today. His knee is completely screwed and he must have surgery. He is only 17 years old.

July 16

I’m so afraid of not getting asked. I want to stay so, so badly, but it seems like I won’t get asked. It’s kind of depressing me, but it’s not affecting my work… I just don’t know what will happen.

Today in class, Kay Mazzo watched again for about a half hour. I think she might have been watching me. Probably not!

July 17

Adagio went great! I partnered with many guys but I really enjoyed partnering with Ryan. He is unbelievably nice and cute. I also partnered with Cameron who is a really nice guy and tall. We did another of Krammie’s dare-devil combinations. All of the girls but me were afraid to jump. I did it so high, he caught me at his head. Everyone was like - wow. We did it three times. It was so fun! I’ve been trying to figure out what to do when I don’t get asked and have to come home. My decision is to reform and become super-dancer and kick butt. Concentrate 101 percent and perfect myself for next summer. They seem to want you two years before they ask you to stay.

July 18

I am so excited for tomorrow - moma and Shivaughn will be here! I’m just so happy to see them. I can’t wait because I need a hug and kiss. I haven’t had one of either (well, maybe a hug or two) in four weeks!

July 23

Suki’s class went very well today. I got a ton of attention from her and she asked me where I was from. I said Washington and she said “Really? I thought you were European.” I said no and everyone laughed. She paid a lot of attention to me.

I love it so much here, I hope I’ll get to stay next year. By then, I’ll have gained enough experience.

July 24

Well, today was my last Adagio class… it was absolutely wonderful. Cameron and I did the tour jete combo solo. Krammie was like, “Good, good, very good!” I was happy. Again, I was caught like 10 feet off the ground. It’s so exciting up there.

Suki’s morning class went great. These couple days I’ve been getting 100 percent more attention from her. Kay Mazzo watched part of morning class and she and Suki watched part of Adagio class, too. They talked an awful lot. I want to stay here so unbelievably bad… it hurts! If I don’t get to next year…

As soon as I get home, I am starting my nine-month training program so I’ll be completely ready for next summer and school year. I’m even looking forward to it!

July 25

I think the fact of this finally being the end is registering in my head. Tomorrow is our last day. I’m depressed about leaving, but I’m also happy to have one more year at home to prepare and still be young enough.

I’m comfortable with that and ready to continue working this hard always. I feel I’ve already learned so much - you realize it when you switch styles. I can’t get over it - the movements and shapes that I want my body to create. These are carved into my memory and I will recreate them with my body the day I return home.

I only have one year and I must use it to its full extent, doing everything possible to gain what I need to stay at SAB next year. It means the world to me.

July 26

I woke up about a half hour early this morning and sat and stared out the window of my room. I thought, this is such an awesome city. Why do I have to leave?

Yet I want to go home…

It rained last night and was still raining when I was watching out the window. It all looked so beautiful. I want to make this city my home eventually and then, of course, dance at City Ballet. That is ALL I want. To go from SAB to the New York City Ballet. I want to be a principal dancer.

I really don’t care if it seems stupid or funny, because I’m going to do it. No Matter What.

Well, it’s about 2 a.m. now. I just finished packing and I’m almost ready to go. I know I am going to cry soon; I’ve been on the verge of tears all day. I don’t want to leave the teachers and classes. I’m going to be counting down to next summer.

Class today was great. We had a party - bagels, grapes, soda and cookies. Suki signed my book and I got a picture taken with her. Later, I asked what I needed to do and she told me specifics. She also told me I am VERY young which made me extremely happy. It just adds to my chances next year.

I’ve been depressed all day long - a sunken feeling - I just love it here! Why can’t I take classes and stuff here but live at home? I am happy to go home, though. Now I know EXACTLY what to do for next summer. And I know I will be asked to stay next year. I’m seeing this next year as a chance to work even harder and come closer to perfection. I mean that literally.

I seriously can’t believe this is really the absolute end…

MEMO: This sidebar appeared with the story: BALLET AMBITION Ever dream of being the best in the world at what you do? Mikaela Flif is on her way to achieving that goal as a premier ballerina. The Rogers High School sophomore was one of 200 girls from across the nation who were chosen to study at the prestigious School of American Ballet in New York this summer. At 15, she was the youngest selected for the top class at the school. Mikaela has been dancing since she was 3 years old at The Dance Center on the South Hill. She practices about 13 hours a week, all toward the goal of achieving perfection. Mikaela kept a journal of her tense and exciting weeks in New York. We’re publishing excerpts of her journal so Our Generation readers can share in her inspiring story.