Pistol-Packin’ Cowboy Not Fully Loaded

Barry Switzer has brought a whole new meaning to the phrase “packing for a trip.”

Can’t you just hear him preparing for his Cowboys’ visit to New England Friday night?

“Let’s see … socks, underwear, shirts, .38 special, slacks, sweater …”

Hey, let’s not be too quick to criticize Switzer. If you had to hang around guys like Michael Irvin, Eric Williams, and Leon Lett, you’d probably carry a heater, too.

Besides, isn’t that what Cowboys - whether they wear 10-gallon hats or hard plastic helmets - are supposed to do?

The stunner isn’t that Switzer had a rod in his luggage, but that he didn’t have it in a holster on his hip.

He might have, if not for the fact that he isn’t licensed to carry a handgun. Of course, anyone who followed Switzer’s career as mentor of the student-athletes at the University of Oklahoma knows Barry wasn’t exactly a stickler for rules.

Come to think of it, I wonder if the weapon in question is one he confiscated from the OU football dorm?

At any rate, Switzer was safe until some overzealous, airport security personnel let the gat out of the bag.

Probably one of them li’l peckerwoods from TCU who couldn’t get hisself a real job and still was fuming over the hurt the Sooners put on the Horned Frogs back in ‘88.

But this isn’t the NCAA coming after Switzer, threatening to ban his team from bowl games and reduce scholarships for a couple of seasons.

Carrying a weapon into an airport is a third-degree felony, punishable by two to 10 years in jail and up to a $10,000 fine. Carrying a handgun without a permit is a misdemeanor, punishable by up to a year in jail and a $4,000 fine.

Plus, according to NFL policy, all league employees are prohibited from carrying firearms while conducting NFL business. A violation is subject to discipline by the commissioner.

Not that Paul Tagliabue is in danger of being confused with Kenesaw Mountain Landis. Or Pete Rozelle, for that matter.

You have to wonder whether Barry was toting the gun for self-protection or job protection.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has said of Switzer: “Unless he is hit by a truck or gets shot, he’ll be coaching the Dallas Cowboys a long time.”

Obviously, Barry intended to shoot first.

And he presumably looks both ways before crossing the street.

Switzer had better be looking over his shoulder now for Jones, who hasn’t said anything in defense of his pistol-packing coach after this latest embarrassment to what used to be America’s Team, but now is only the NRA’s team.

Perhaps he also ought to be on the lookout for Allen Iverson driving down the highway.

Young Allen must have been late for a bowling tournament, tooling down I-64 east of Richmond, Va., doing in excess of 90 miles an hour after 1 in the morning with some grass and a gun under the seat.

Iverson’s arrest just thrilled Philadelphia 76ers’ president Pat Croce.

“As a fan, a father and a Philadelphian, it upsets me,” Croce said. “It disappoints me. I don’t want my kids looking at me and thinking smoking pot is cool.

“Even if it’s not his pot, he’s in a car where there is pot and he’s implicated. Birds of a feather flock together.”

Wonder if Allen was wearing his specially-designed Reeboks, called “The Question,” at the time?

He’s supposed to have a new shoe coming out, this one called “The Answer.”

That could depend on how Iverson answers the charges of possession of marijuana and possession of firearms with a controlled substance.

Not to worry. If Reebok dumps him, Iverson can work out an endorsement deal with Smith & Wesson.

His arrest was reminiscent of when former Patriots wide receiver Irving Fryar was stopped on the New Jersey Turnpike and found to have an arsenal in his trunk.

Considering he was driving through Jersey, that could be considered a reasonable precaution. You know, always carry a spare tire and an array of weaponry.

What’s with these athletes and weapons? What are they afraid of? Overzealous autograph seekers?

“Back off, punk! I told you, I’m not signing. Now put that pen down and get away from me before you get hurt!”

Personally, I join with Marv Albert in saying: “Let’s take a bite out of crime!”