From Sadness To Gladness

The dancing stopped. The drum was put away.

When death first struck Howard Abrahamson’s family two years ago, the family decided to mourn.

No longer did they compete at powwows or join drumming circles. Annie, his 10-year-old daughter, gave up her title as Miss Spokane.

“It was a major loss,” said Abrahamson, a shy, quiet man who doesn’t talk much about the prizes he’s won for fancy dancing. “We needed time to grieve and think about it. It gives you a different perspective on life.”

Now, the family’s mourning period for Howard’s father is over.

For the second time this year, the Abrahamson family took part in powwow festivities by dancing and drumming at the annual Spokane Falls Northwest Indian Encampment and Powwow. For the entire weekend, they wore their finest regalia - bustles, beads, eagle feathers - as they celebrated the coming together of thousands of Native Americans from all over the country.

“It feels good,” Abrahamson said shortly after dancing for the event’s grand entrance. “I haven’t danced here in two years.”

Like most Indian families, the Abrahamsons take time to accept their grief in order to heal, they said. Non-Indians often don’t understand the significance they place on death and recovery. They don’t stop and allow themselves to hurt, the family said. Some are expected to go back to work or be “normal” the day after a funeral.

Howard Abrahamson’s father, Smokey, died in May 1995. He was 66 years old, a Spokane Indian who cherished his native traditions and a proud Marine who fought in the Korean War. Father and son were very close, said Howard’s wife, Chet Abrahamson. Coping with his death took time.

It was almost sacrilegious to live as if nothing happened, they said. They followed native tradition by giving his clothes, tools, all his possessions away. The “giveaways” reminded them how important it was “to let go, to not hold on,” Chet Abrahamson said.

A year after Smokey Abrahamson’s death, the family was stricken with another loss. Howard Abrahamson’s grandmother, Cecilia, died in September. Again, the family felt they had to follow tradition: They skipped the powwow circuit for another six months.

“My tupia (grandmother) died,” said 10-year-old Annie Abrahamson, who relinquished her Miss Spokane title. “I didn’t have a choice. I gave up the crown. It was very sad.”

Some Indian families choose not to follow this ritual of mourning, said Chet Abrahamson. But her family wanted to practice their customs, she said. Besides, it was the only way they learned to find solace.

“It’s a choice,” she said. “We did it out of respect.”

When the family returned to drumming, they discovered a new sense of togetherness, Chet Abrahamson said. Sitting in a circle and singing old drumming songs have strengthened their relationships.

The long period of mourning also has given a new appreciation for powwows. They look for old friends and shake their hands “because you don’t know if you’ll see them next year,” they said. They also dance in complete celebration.

“I respect life more,” said Howard Abrahamson. “We were in mourning so long, we wanted to be happy.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color photo