Nfc East Now Has Least

In the waning days of autumn, the NFC East is facing a nuclear winter. Here are the inconceivably incontrovertible facts about the division:

At the moment, the 7-5-1 New York Giants are still in first place.

At the moment, the best quarterbacks are Jake Plummer and Bobby Hoying.

This division has gone from sirloin steak to Hamburger Helper. In the 31-year history of the Super Bowl, the NFC East has won 10 titles, twice as many as any other division. Since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970, no team has won the NFC East title with fewer than 10 victories - the only division that can make such a claim - but unless the relentlessly tedious Giants win their final three games, that streak will end.

Actually, it is entirely possible (in fact, likely) - and I’ve done all the math - that the Giants will finish the season 7-5-4.

It’s also entirely possible that the best team in the division is the last-place Arizona Cardinals, who, with a timely kick or two, could be 11-1-1 right now and playing for home-field advantage throughout the playoffs.

Hey, Arizona is the only NFC East team to beat Baltimore this season. In fact, the Giants and the Redskins have both lost to the 4-8-1 Ravens and the 3-10 Rams. Meanwhile, the Eagles - who managed to tie the Ravens in Baltimore - remain the NFC’s only winless team on the road.

All of which leaves us with the left-for-dead Cowboys, who by winning their final three games (against the Panthers, Bengals and Giants) would finish 9-7 and likely pass the Giants, Eagles and Redskins, all of whom could very well end at 8-7-1.

As always, the following point-spread picks should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:

Packers (-4) at Buccaneers: With a win here, my playoff-ready and playoff-hungry Buccaneers will be playoff-bound! Pick: Buccaneers.

Giants at Eagles (-4-1/2): Going from Danny Kanell to Dave Brown would be like going from a toothache to a hangnail. Pick: Eagles.

Vikings at 49ers (-8-1/2): QB Randall Cunningham was so surprised when Vikings called him into game Monday night, he forgot to set sideline VCR to tape the rest of “Looney Tunes”. Pick: Vikings.

Patriots at Jaguars (-4): Patriots T Bruce Armstrong has gone the whole season without a holding penalty. That’s like the writers of “Jenny” going a whole season without a boob joke. Pick: Jaguars.

Rams at Saints (-3): On Sunday, Saints QB Billy Joe Hobert got his first career victory as a starter; on Monday, the Andromeda Galaxy exploded and formed a new cluster of stars faintly resembling Dom DeLuise. Pick: Rams.

Colts at Jets (-7): Some people forget Bill Belichick was head coach of the Jets for 8-1/2 days in February; others compare his term favorably with Edward VIII’s 10-1/2-month reign as king of England in 1936.

Pick: Colts. Lions at Dolphins (-3-1/2): Anatomy of a signing: Dolphins’ Jimmy Johnson checked on Lawrence Phillips’ background, Phillips checked on South Beach nightclubs. Pick: Lions.

Seahawks at Ravens (-1-1/2): Seahawks P Rick Tuten, out for season with a pulled pelvic muscle, forfeits a bonus for “not having a pulled pelvic muscle.” Pick: Ravens.

Redskins at Cardinals (-1-1/2): FBI director Louis Freeh has encouraged appointment of independent counsel to investigate Norv Turner’s play-calling. Pick: Cardinals.

Panthers at Cowboys (-7): Cowboys have unorthodox bed check - at 11 p.m., all players simply have to call in from whatever bed they’re sleeping in. Pick: Cowboys.

Falcons (-2) at Chargers: After seeing stationary bike on Seahawks sideline, Falcons have installed one of those coin-operated “horsies.” Pick: Chargers.

Raiders at Chiefs (-9): To more accurately reflect 1997 Raiders, pirate logo will now have patches on both eyes. Pick: Chiefs.

Bills (-1) at Bears: Joe Camel’s got better long-range prospects than Dave Wannstedt. Pick: Bills.

Broncos at Steelers (-1-1/2): Interior line play, my friends, interior line play. Pick: Steelers.

Last week: 6-8-1. Season record: 95-93-6.