La La Land Not Ruffled By Cougar-Mania

Woody Allen was right.

All the good meetings are taken.

This is indeed the Entertainment Capital of the World, but one man’s entertainment is another man’s ennui - and it may change from block to block.

One pocket of this megalopolis may be absolutely apoplectic about the Rose Bowl, with ticket trawlers offering you $500 for your seat and scalpers asking twice that; the next precinct may be downright narcoleptic about it.

Over in Pullman del Mar - you may know it as Santa Monica - it is the rare too-white torso that isn’t modeling a crimson crew neck. The licensing folks from Washington State University are making a killing - and will at least until the local tattoo artists master the Cougar logo.

If ever this much red finds its way into Martin Stadium, football Saturdays there will resemble a giant bloody Mary in a tin cup.

But here in Tinseltown, they don’t know from your Rose Bowl and don’t particularly care.

The first 18 pages of the Los Angeles Times Calendar section are full-page ads for new movie releases.

The trauma isn’t that Ryan Leaf may not be back. It’s that Seinfeld definitely won’t.

People talk about doing New Year’s Eve in Vegas, and it’s not to get a bet down before kickoff. Liza Minelli and George Carlin at Bally’s, B.B. King at the Desert Inn, Harry Belafonte at the Hilton.

Rodney Dangerfield is playing the MGM Grand. Perfect - he is the WSU of comedians.

Fresh sunburns give away the aliens from the north, along with faces and figures that scream Middle America. At a tacky burger joint, we’re approached to participate in free movie screenings. Warily, we submit - weakened by the breakers of pre-Rose hype and curious as to what we’d be the target audience for.

All too soon, we find out. Coming soon to a multiplex near you:

Alien Resurrection - Angelenos are at a loss to deal with the influx of combine jockeys into this Shangri-La when Washington State returns to the Rose Bowl after a 67-year absence.

The Full Monty - Precocious freshman safety Lamont Thompson personally undresses Brock Huard in the Apple Cup.

I Know What You Did Last Summer - Defensive backs from UCLA and USC get the message that Ryan Leaf and the Fab Five weren’t just working on their tans in July.

Mouse Hunt - Newspaper photo editors bemoan the absence of those silly old Rose Bowl publicity shots of players posing with Mickey and Goofy when the Rose Bowl abandons Disneyland in favor of touring Universal Studios and the Hard Rock Cafe.

Jackie Brown Marlin’s little brother gives an oral commitment to the Cougs.

Tomorrow Never Dies Ryan Leaf keeps postponing his announcement on whether he’ll make himself available for the NFL draft.

Wag the Dog Bob Robertson narrates highlights of the 1997 Apple Cup.

Mr. Magoo Myopic Michigan coach Lloyd Carr tries to keep spectators locked out of the Rose Bowl game, fearing they would distract his football team.

Home Alone 3 Colfax family flies off to Rose Bowl, unwittingly leaving their 8-year-old behind. Now he’s got the whole town to himself.

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil Bus breaks down in the Coliseum parking lot after practice, stranding Cougar players overnight when AAA fails to send a tow truck.

Good Will Hunting WSU athletic director Rick Dickson searches for one Cougar booster who won’t give him a hard time about Rose Bowl tickets.

Air Force One Oregon almost pitches a shutout in the Las Vegas Bowl as the Pac-10 cleans up in the post-season.

Flubber Shawn Tims’ slippery antics on punt returns drive both fans and opponents to distraction.

Scream 2 Horror reigns for Cougar fans when Ryan Leaf decides to cross Ocean Avenue against the light.

Titanic Deciding to loosen up his players by treating them to a pre-game movie, Lloyd Carr makes a fateful choice.

In and Out A game in the life of Nian Taylor, WSU wide receiver.

The Rainmaker Charles Woodson’s interception in the end zone in the final minute of the Rose Bowl with WSU trailing by six points opens up the waterworks of every Cougar fan.

For Richer or Poorer Rick Dickson turns down job at TCU even though the school offers to set up off-shore accounts for each of his children.

Boogie Nights Cougar offensive linemen hit the Promenade in Santa Monica.

Mad City Fog envelops Spokane’s airport, stranding charter passengers and all commercial flights on New Year’s Eve.

The Winter Guest Football secretary Marie Taylor overbooks Cougar coach Mike Price on the banquet circuit.

The Man Who Knew Too Little Spokane columnist tries to remain inconspicuous among 50,000 Cougar fans overrunning Santa Monica.

Austin Matson, International Man of Mystery Freak injuries force Cougs to start redshirt freshman linebacker in the biggest game in school history.

Men in Black Cougar equipment manager Wendell Neal unveils shocking new uniforms for the Rose Bowl.

How to Be a Player Cougar secondary coach Craig Bray gently and patiently explains to LeJuan Gibbons the proper techniques at cornerback.

Starship Troopers The last charter of Cougar fans arrives in Pasadena.

L.A. Confidential Unable to hold it in any longer, Ryan Leaf spills his will-he-or-won’t-he secret to a street person on Sunset Boulevard.

As Good as It Gets Definitive documentary on the 1997 Cougar football season. Player interviews reveal what they plan to tell their grandchildren in 67 years.

, DataTimes The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Blanchette The Spokesman-Review